


The First Cut is the Deepest

by Katiebug445



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BASED OFF A REAL LIFE INCIDENT, Cas sasses everyone and it's great, F/M, M/M, Mentions of a Suicide Attempt, actually there's lots of fighting, angstity angstity angst, brother fights, dean can't get over his ex who he hasn't seen in 12 years and people suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-03 05:34:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8699155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiebug445/pseuds/Katiebug445
Summary: People say that you never forget your first love, that you'll always hold onto a bit of those old feelings no matter where you go in life.Dean is messaged by an old flame who is moving back and wants to catch up. It starts innocent enough, but what starts as one drink quickly spirals into a tricky affair that will change them both forever, and revisit a lot of old hurts that they've been burying for over ten years.





	1. Chapter 1

It started with a  _ ping.  _

 

Dean Winchester’s eyes turned to the bottom left corner of his screen, reading the words over and over in his head before actually reacting to them.  _ Castiel Novak sent you a friend request.  _ His mouse hovered over the notification, keeping it from going away as he thought of what to do. 

 

He hadn’t spoken to Cas since they graduated and he went off to become some big shot doctor or something. Dean’s memory was fuzzy, and besides, it didn’t matter now, did it? 

 

Still, though, the idea that Castiel had sought him out and wanted to talk to him (even if it was just virtually) again sent butterflies shooting through his stomach. Finally, he clicked the notif and accepted, wondering if he should try to chat with him or not… 

  
  


It had been twelve years since they split. Twelve years since they last spoke, since they’d had any interaction at all. Dean would be lying if he said he didn’t think about Castiel and he would also be lying if he also hadn’t thought about seeking him out, too. Though he never exactly had the balls enough to actually  _ do  _ it. 

 

The tell-tale  _ bing  _ of a message snapped him out of his thoughts, and it appeared Cas had made the choice for him. 

 

_ C: Hello, Dean.  _

 

_ D: Hey, Cas.  _

 

A few long seconds of silence, then finally,

 

_ C: I apologize if my request seemed at all rude. I just found you through a mutual and thought it might be nice to reconnect with a few people from high school.  _

 

So formal, Dean thought, tapping his finger gently over a key while he thought of a reply. 

 

_ D: It’s no skin off my back, Cas. It’s actually nice to hear from you again. What’cha been up to?  _

 

_ C: Nothing too terribly exciting. I got a job at a hospital in Topeka after college, and it’s kept me busy enough… But I’ve actually been considering moving back to Lawrence for awhile now.  _

 

If Dean said his heart didn’t pick up a little at that, he would have been a damn dirty liar. 

 

_ D: Really? Well, lemme know if you think about it. I know a few people who might be able to find you a place pretty cheap.  _

 

_ C: I’ve actually already found an apartment. I’m in the process of moving at the moment. I thought maybe once I get settled, we could meet? Catch up? _

 

_ Don’t sound too eager, don’t sound too excited, _ Dean thought to himself, waiting for a minute to calm down before he sent something like “YES!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!” And embarrassed himself. 

 

_ D: Sure, just lemme know when you want to, I’ll see if I can make it work.  _

 

_ C: I look forward to it :)  _

 

Really, a smiley face? Dean couldn’t think of anyone he knew who used those aside from Sam’s boyfriend, one of the few older brothers of Castiel’s named Gabriel - and even then, it was mostly just him trying to turn everything into some kind of sexual offer to Sam. It was annoying as hell and Dean, for the life of him, couldn’t figure out what Sam saw in the guy. 

 

How the hell was he supposed to reply to that, anyways. What was appropriate for this? Scrambling, he sent back a hasty  _ Talk to you soon, then ;)  _ before logging off and turning his computer off so he could process it. 

 

Dean sat there in a bit of a daze for a minute or two, still trying to come to terms with the fact that he would very possibly be seeing Castiel again soon. He smiled, shaking his head, and chuckled to himself. 

 

“What’s the grin about?” 

 

Dean turned and tried to wipe the look off of his face before it got him into trouble. “Nothin’, just an old friend from school messaged, and we started talking for a minute. He’s actually moving back here, asked if we could get a couple folks together and go out when he gets settled in.” 

 

“That would be nice. You should do it.” Cassie replied, shooting him an encouraging smile. “You need a night out with the guys, anyways. Who was it?”

 

“An old friend. Guy named Cas. We - We used to be close back in the day.” 

 

“What happened?” 

 

“He found bigger and better things in one of the bigger cities. He wanted to be a doctor. Saving people was always his gig. Lost touch after high school.”

 

Cassie nodded, “Well, you’ll have to tell me how it goes when you meet up. In the meantime, you can help me find something to eat and tell me stories about this mysterious Other Cas.” 

 

“Sure thing. I’ll be there in a second.” Dean smiled after her as she took off, and took a deep breath. He could alter some of the more mild stories, he guessed. The ones that didn’t center around dates, or kissing, or homework dates turned into something a bit more intimate would be fine, right?

 

*

 

He and Castiel had met in fifth grade in the hall outside of their english class. He was, stereotypically, being shoved into a trashcan by a group of bullies when Dean found him and came to his rescue. Castiel was in no means small - he was taller than Dean for nearly the first three years of their friendship, and a complete beanpole, and, if Dean were honest, a bit of a nerd. He was an easy target. 

 

Dean poked his head inside the garbage can and held out his hand to a terrified Castiel, who accepted warily. “I’m Dean,” the young boy introduced himself. “You don’t wanna be in there all day, do you?” 

 

Shaking his head, Castiel took the offered hand and pulled himself out, mumbling out a quiet thank you. 

 

“S’not a problem.” Dean shrugged, just then realizing Castiel still had his hand. “So, uh, hey, you look like you could use a friend. If you want, you’re welcome to sit with me at lunch? Or class, if we have any together?” 

 

“T-Thank you for the help, but I don’t want to trouble you.” 

 

Dean shook his head. “It’s not trouble at all. Just stick around with me, alright? I’ll try to keep those guys off your back.” 

 

Considering this, Castiel gave a small nod. He was worried this was a trick, that this boy was somehow in with the boys who had been bullying him this year, but in case he wasn’t…. Well, he wasn’t in any position to turn down friends, and he seemed friendly enough. “My name’s Castiel.” He replied. 

 

“Cas...ti..el...?” Dean repeated slowly, trying to make sure he got it right. “It’s nice, but, I - uh… You got a nickname?” 

 

“‘Cas’ will do just fine.” 

 

“Cas…. Okay, well, Cas, I will see you at lunch?” Dean prompted. 

 

Castiel looked up to the class he and Dean had been walking towards, and pointed, “Looks like we’ve got a class together after all. But if you don’t want to sit with me, I will most definitely see you at lunch.” Grinning, Dean followed right after Castiel into class and plopped down in the seat behind him. 

 

*

 

“So… You acted like his bodyguard?” Cassie asked, sitting up on the counter while Dean worked around her. 

 

“At first, yeah, but Cas didn’t need protecting for long. He filled out by the time we got to middle school and went out for track in high school. Guy had like, a hundred older brothers, they taught him to fight. He could handle himself.”

 

Cassie nodded, accepting this. “What was he like?”

 

Dean thought about how to answer for a moment, not wanting to gush too much, to give away too much detail about his ex-boyfriend. “He was kinda nerdy. Always had a book with him; Medical journals, old sci-fi classics, beekeeping handbooks…” Dean shook his head. “Never knew what to expect with Cas. He was… diverse in his interests.” A fond smile lit up the older Winchester’s face as he pictured him, clear as day, in his head. 

 

His heart ached for the boy he once knew - for his kisses, his laugh, his  _ presence  _ \- and only intensified his need to see him again. “I’ll find a picture of him in a little while.” 

 

He heard Cassie jump down from the counter, and saw her come up beside him from the corner of his eye. She shot him a smile and gave a tiny nod of her head. “I’d like that.” 

  
  
  
  


Castiel allowed himself a chance to exhale once Dean agreed to meet him and sat there staring at his monitor for a minute while he processed it. That went much better than he expected it to, if he were being honest. He grinned to himself at the prospect of seeing Dean again after so long; it had been entirely too long since they separated. 

 

Was he single? He hadn’t seen anything about a partner on Dean’s facebook, so that was promising. Of course, he was sure that his ex  _ had  _ dated since they broke up - it would be too unlike him not to after so many years - but if he wasn’t seeing anyone now… 

 

_ Don’t get ahead of yourself, Castiel,  _ he thought to himself. It was just dinner, maybe a drink - nothing more than that. He couldn’t expect him to still be pining for him after all this time, that was silly, but maybe.... Maybe eventually, they could pick up where they left off. 

“Maybe this will be good.” He said out loud, trying to psych himself up for it. Maybe it wouldn’t end with a fight, or hurt feelings. Maybe they could actually walk out of this friends. Dean seemed excited about seeing him again, didn’t he? 

 

Castiel read over their short conversation one more time, trying to assure himself that this would be fine. 

  
  
  
  


“You’re not  _ actually  _ going to see him again, are you?” 

 

“Yes, Gabriel, we planned to meet after I get settled back in Lawrence. It’ll be nice to reconnect.” 

 

“Baby bro, you wanna ‘reconnect’ with people, reconnect with me! I haven’t seen you since Christmas last year.” 

 

Castiel just rolled his eyes, waiting to answer his brother until he finished taping his box up. “I already had planned on seeing you after I move. I’m going to need someone to help me unpack, after all.”

 

“That’s all I am to you, isn’t it? I’m hurt, Cassie. I thought you might be excited to be moving closer to your older brother who loves you dearly, but no… I’m only good enough to help you unpack, and then you’re ditching me for your stupid ex Winchester. I’m so much more fun than those dumb Winchesters.” Gabriel even went as far as to act choked up, and Castiel just shook his head. 

 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, Gabriel, but aren’t you dating one of those ‘dumb Winchesters’?” 

 

“What’s your point?” 

 

He rolled his eyes again and chuckled to himself at how absurd his brother could be sometimes. “I have to go, but I promise I will see you as soon as my transfer is approved and I can get out of here.” 

 

“Cassie, no, don’t leave me! I’m so lonely over here on my own! I miss the sound of your voice!” 

 

“Goodbye, Gabriel. Go bug Sam or Michael if you’re that lonely.” Castiel said, hanging up the phone while Gabriel cackled on the other end. There were times when he wondered if Gabriel had actually been adopted when he was a child, because he honestly didn’t see how they could be related. 

 

He was starting to get excited about moving, now that he had an apartment secure and that Gabriel seemed so excited to have him back. It would be nice to be closer to his family - Gabriel and Michael especially - and his old friends from school. That, and, said apartment allowed pets, so as soon as he was settled, he was finally getting himself a cat.  

 

~~

 

When moving day finally came, Cas was surprised to see Gabriel arrived on time, half asleep and clutching a to-go cup of coffee like it was his life support. Castiel chuckled at his brother and waved at him in greeting. “You’re on time!” He said, faux surprise in his voice. 

 

“Shut up, Cassie.” Gabriel grumbled, playfully pushing his younger brother aside while he made his way in the door. “I was up before noon to come help you move, and this is the thanks I get?! I missed out on spending the night with my very lonely - and horny, might i add - moose for this. You owe me.” 

 

Cringing, Castiel hurried along behind Gabriel inside and went to gather up some boxes. “I honestly don’t want to know what you and Sam do in your free time, brother. On top of that, how can you grill me for going out for a drink with Dean when you’re eating out of Sam’s hand?” 

 

Gabriel thought about that for all of five seconds before shrugging it off. “Because Sam isn’t the dumb one and actually owns up to shit when he’s wrong.” 

 

That stung a bit, Cas had to admit. “Regardless, I don’t want to hear it anymore.” 

 

“Fine. No more Winchester talk for right now. This is just about spending some time with my favorite wittle brudder.” Gabriel snorted, smacking Cas across the back. “Where should I start?” 

 

“Wherever.” Castiel replied heading out to his kitchen to start. “And, I’m your only little brother!” 

 

Gabriel cackled and snatched up a couple boxes, heading back to Castiel’s room to start packing things up. He made a note that, if he found anything that an older brother should never want to find in there, Cas was definitely paying for his therapy. 

 

One quick look around pretty much told the older Novak everything he needed to know about Castiel’s life here: he was just as dorky as he was at home. Books were piled up in stacks all over his floor, a big tote of comic books was half dragged out from the closet, the old, ratty trench coat Cas always wore in spring and fall was draped over the chair in the corner, and pictures. So many pictures hung up and placed all over the place. 

 

Gabriel couldn’t help but smile a little at his younger brother. Most of the photos were of them and their older brother, Michael, when they were kids. At the beach - which was Cassie’s favorite place in the world - bookstores, lots of pictures at Dairy Queen - Gabriel’s favorite place as a kid… and adult if he were being honest - and around their old house. He figured Cas stole these from Michael’s collection before he left. Mike was the photographer of the family, and Castiel had picked that up from him. Gabriel bet, if he looked around hard enough, he’d find the old piece of shit camera Mike gave to Cas when he was a kid. 

 

He was pretty happy with the nostalgia he got from it all, until he got to the bedside table beside Castiel’s bed. 

 

Sitting there, looking just as happy as any couple would, was a picture of Dean and Castiel on their one year anniversary, looking happy and just as in love with each other as they could be. Why Cas still  _ had  _ this, he didn’t know, why he still had it displayed, by his  _ bed  _ no less, was an even bigger question. 

 

Shaking his head, Gabriel snatched the photo up and stalked out to the kitchen. “What’s this?” He demanded, glaring at Castiel. 

 

The younger Novak stiffened, having a feeling he knew what Gabriel was asking about before even turning around. “It’s nothing.” 

 

“Bull-fucking-shit it’s nothing. After everything that fucker did, you still keep his picture up? Why, Cas?” 

 

Castiel swallowed, feeling cornered, and shrugged. “I just.. We were happy then. I like to remember that every now and again.” 

 

“So you keep his picture on your nightstand?! That’s not wanting a memory now and then, Cas, that’s what we in the real world call pining. I’ll bet you anything, this ‘casual little drink’ you wanna go out for, that’s not all, is it? You’re hoping he’ll see you and want to start things up again, aren’t you?” 

 

Castiel balled his fists up and took a moment to breathe before answering. “So what if it is? Is it so wrong to miss him, Gabriel? To want what I felt with Dean back in my life? To want  _ him  _ back in my life?” 

 

“Normally I would say no, but how he treated you at the end of it all? Yeah, Cas, I’d say that’s pretty fucking wrong.” 

 

“That was a long time ago. We’ve both grown up since then, Gabriel. Maybe… Maybe it will be different.” 

 

“Or maybe, little brother, he’ll abandon you when you need him again. Then Mike and I are gonna have to piece you back together. I’m not doing it again, Cas.” 

 

Frustrated, Castiel snatched the picture out of his brother’s hands and stared down at it for a moment. “I can handle myself. It might not even amount to anything, anyways.” 

 

Shaking his head, Gabriel left Cas alone with the picture, knowing all too well that it  _ would  _ amount to something, because Sam had shown him that photo, just recently, in Dean’s home. 

  
  


“Are you just never going to speak to me again?” Castiel demanded as they were taking the last load to the car. “Gabriel, I’m an adult, if I want to see my ex again, I will. You can’t stop me.” Cas hurried around to stand in front of his brother, stopping him, and demanding that he look at him. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but you have to accept it. Dean isn’t going to hurt me like that again. I know he won’t. You’re being ridiculous.” 

 

In response to that, Gabriel glared hard enough that it made Castiel shrink back a bit, and he dropped the box he was holding. “No, what’s ridiculous is watching your little brother cycle through such intense grief over a boy that you feel like you need to watch him every second of the day.  _ Ridiculous  _ is feeling helpless when you hear him crying at night and calling out for someone who could give a shit less.  _ Ridiculous _ is being scared to death when said little brother runs off to college out of town and you feel like you have to check your messages twenty times a day in fear that you’re going to get  _ that  _ call!” Gabriel was shouting by the end of his rant and Castiel could just barely see tears starting to form at the corners of his eyes. “He’s no good, Cas! He’s not good for you, he’s not good for Sam. He’s  _ poison _ . And I’m not going to sit back and watch you get infected by him again. I won’t do it.” 

 

“Gabriel--” 

 

“No, Castiel, don’t. I’m done talking about it, because you’re not listening. Let’s just get your shit packed up so we can go, please?” 

 

Nodding, Cas picked up the box that his brother dropped and stuffed it into the back of Gabriel’s van, trying not to think about what he’d said too much. 

  
  
  


The apartment was one that his brothers had picked out for him. A cozy little place a block or two away from Michael and a fifteen minute drive away from Gabriel. Perfect distance in case something happened and they needed familial assistance right away. Castiel, while he felt it was a little too close, was also glad to be close to his brothers again after being away so long. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ C: Hello, Dean.  _

It had been three weeks to the day since their first conversation (not that Dean had been counting) when Castiel messaged him again. 

 

_ D: Well hello stranger.  _

 

_ C: I was wondering if you would still be willing to meet with me for dinner one night soon?  _

 

_ D: Did you end up moving out here after all? Haven’t heard much from anybody.  _

 

_ C: Yes, Gabriel helped get the majority of my things packed and moved me back a few weeks ago. I would have contacted you sooner, but my brothers have barely left me alone long enough to sleep, let alone much else.  _

 

_ D: Can’t say I blame ‘em. But yeah, I’m definitely still wanting to get together.  _

 

_ C: Where would you like to meet? Are there any places left in town you still like?  _

 

Dean thought about it for a minute. Yes, there were lots of places he liked, but what if someone saw them? Yes, he’d said something to Cassie about going, but he also knew that people liked to talk. Who knew what they might say just for gossip’s sake? 

 

_ D: Everything around here has gotten old. How about we meet somewhere a little different? Somewhere in Overbrook? Maybe… Conard’s bar? _

 

Castiel started and stopped typing on an off for a moment, and Dean could feel a bit of panic creeping up on him about it. What if he was trying to get out of it now? 

 

_ C: I’m not all too familiar with that area, but I’m willing to try. Why so far away, though?  _

 

_ D: Change of scenery?  _

 

_ C: ...Alright, Dean. When are you free?  _

 

_ D: Any night after 5:00.  _

 

_ C: Friday? Should we just meet there, or carpool?  _

 

Now it was Dean’s turn to stop and think. As much as he would like to see Castiel as soon as possible, he thought it might be better to wait to see him away from the gossiping town. Everyone knew, regardless if they wanted them to or not, how much they loved each other back in the day, how much he hurt after Cas moved, what would they say after, not only a month after moving back to town, they saw him already trying to make a move on Castiel? They’d call him pathetic, that’s what. Twelve years and still unable to move on from a high school boyfriend. And what about Cassie? If talk started up that they were together, would it get back to her? Would she wonder if there was anything going on? Would she leave him because of his past? Swallowing, Dean gave himself a second to calm down before finally answering Castiel’s question. 

 

_ D: How about we meet there, just in case one of us is running late?  _

 

_ C: O.K. Friday it is. Have a good week, Dean :) See you then!  _

 

_ D: See ya, Cas. _

 

Dean took a deep breath and let it sink in for a minute what just happened. He was going to see Castiel on Friday. The first time since he moved. They were going to have dinner. They would talk, and spend time together, and be back in each other’s lives. 

 

“Hey, Cassie?” He called, getting to his feet and going to find his girlfriend. “Cas did--” 

 

Cassie turned towards Dean, one hand holding her phone to her ear, and the other pressed against her lips to quiet him. Trying not to roll his eyes, Dean just nodded and turned around, heading back out of the room and resolving to tell her later. 

 

It wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t like that all the time. After a few months of dating, all the fun, the  _ newness  _ of it all had worn away, and they were left with silence and nights at home sitting across from each other on their phones.

 

Normally, if it had gotten this bad, Dean would have ended it by now, but he was getting older, his parents both wondered why he hadn’t settled down yet - all of his friends had someone, his little brother had someone, why didn’t he? - and if he were waiting for Castiel to come back. He didn’t want people to think that he had been waiting on one guy for nearly thirteen years, he wanted them to know that he’d moved on, he had his life together and he was happy with someone else. It sounded so nice, so  _ normal  _ to move on, why wouldn’t he just do it? 

 

In his heart, he knew there wasn’t any way that he ever could. Yes, he could sleep around and have fun, just as long as there weren’t strings attached. Castiel was the first love of his life, the only one that really mattered, the one who still had every piece of him. Everyone else was just counted as one big rebound, one big time filler, until Cas finally came back home. 

  
  
  


“Hey, Dean?” Cassie called, bounding into the room. “I’m going out Friday night with some friends from work. One of the girls is having her bachelorette party, so I’ll be home late. Don’t worry about waiting up.” 

 

“That’s funny, I have some news too.” Dean started, stalling a minute before he went on. “My buddy  _ did _ end up moving back, we’re gonna go out Friday night.” 

 

“This mysterious  _ Other Cas  _ you keep talking about?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Cassie grinned mischievously, “If this wasn’t someone else’s night, I might have to follow you out there. I’m curious about this friend of yours.” 

 

Chuckling nervously, Dean tried to change the subject away from his ex. “But yeah, I’ll be gone late, too. Be safe, okay?” 

 

“Come on, guys know better than to mess with me. There’s too much bite behind this bark to take chances.” She replied, giving his hand a squeeze before she left. 

 

When he was alone, he allowed his carefree attitude to slip away and he sunk in his seat, wondering how it had gotten to this point. How could he let his life get here, in an unhappy relationship with an uninterested girlfriend for his parents’ sake? Better yet, how could he let Castiel slip away in the first place? 

  
  
  
  


“They’re gonna do it.” Gabriel announced angrily, flopping down onto Sam’s couch. “Cas text me this morning, he’s meeting Dean this weekend. God! I thought I got through to him about that!” 

 

“Be careful, that’s still my brother you’re talking about, Gabe.” Sam poked his head around the corner from his kitchenette and frowned. “I know he’s made mistakes, but he  _ does  _ try. And who knows, maybe it’ll just be dinner and they’ll go home and see it won’t work with them anymore?” 

 

Gabriel rolled his eyes, his temper rising by the minute. “Sam! It wasn’t just a ‘ _ mistake’  _ with Cas. It was his  _ life.  _ Besides that, it’s  _ Dean  _ we’re talking about. It’s never ‘just dinner’ with him. How many times before you moved out would be over there and he brought a little more back with him than a doggie bag?” 

 

Sam just sighed, knowing Gabriel had a point, but not wanting to argue that he knew his brother enough to know that Cas was and always would be  _ different.  _ Anybody who knew them could see it, just in the way they looked at each other. “There’s nothing we can do about it. If it goes badly, then we’ll do something. But I will remind you that Dean  _ is  _ my brother and I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think you should, too, with Cas if nothing else. Let’s just wait and see what happens first.” 

 

Gabriel kept his mouth shut, not wanting to pick a fight with Sam over something as stupid as Dean Winchester, and pouted silently at a spot on the wall. There wasn’t anything good that could come from that dinner. Either they would part friends, and Castiel would spend the rest of his life depressed and pining after him, or they’d reconcile and end up back together. Then he and Michael would have to wait around for Dean to leave their brother again. Gabriel wished he would have been able to talk Castiel out of going, he wished he would have been able to stop this, but his little brother was too stubborn for his own good. 

 

Gabriel ran a hand back through his hair and sprawled out across the couch, waiting for Sam to join him. As annoying as it was that Sam still tried to get he and Dean to be friends again, he was glad that he had the younger man at all. 

 

“You and Dean used to be good friends.” Sam said, handing Gabriel a bowl of popcorn before moving his legs into his lap and sitting beside him. “I wish you could go back to that.” 

 

The smaller man said nothing, just shoved a handful popcorn in his mouth and hit play on their movie. 

  
  
  


The week drug on longer than either of them would have liked. Dean and Castiel communicated several times, just to touch base, to see if they were still on for the weekend and assure the other they were just as excited to see each other again. 

 

Dean was getting more and more nervous about seeing Castiel after so long; to find out what he was like now, if they’d be able to sit and talk, or if it would just be retelling things from the past and that be it. Castiel worried about some of the same, but his anxiety was primarily fixed on if Dean still seemed to want anything to do with him or if this was just him being polite. 

 

On the other side of it all, there was Sam, Gabriel, and Michael. All of whom were fighting over the best way to handle it. Gabriel was ready to follow Cas into Overbrook to keep an eye on him and make sure things were okay. Michael suggested a much safer route of making sure their brother text them periodically through the evening to make sure Dean hadn’t up and flown the coop in the middle of dinner, or if he was okay. And then Sam, while more inclined to agree with Michael on what to do, thought they both were being a little a bit overbearing and expressed his opinion that they should trust Castiel to handle it if nothing else. 

 

That resulted in a huge fight between Sam and Gabriel, ending in a walk out, ignored calls, and a silence that bled into the rest of the week. 

 

With Gabriel and Sam not talking, it made the whole situation that much more tense. Gabe had been talking with Michael about how dangerous this was, how niave their brother could be when it came to Dean, and after getting Mike just as upset about all of it, Castiel had to deal with lots of outrage from his brothers. They both wanted to know what the hell kind of crazy he was to allow someone so horrible back into his life, and the youngest Novak actually ended up blocking both of their numbers on his phone, and muting them everywhere else. He didn’t want to hear it anymore. He knew he might have been making a huge mistake getting involved again, but he also knew that time could change people. Dean could be a whole different person by now, and why wouldn’t he want to give it a chance? Even if they  _ did  _ just walk away friends, it was worth the shot. 

 

When it became apparent that Castiel wasn’t listening anymore, Gabriel tried a new approach. He had shown up at Dean and Cassie’s apartment armed with threats of disembowelment if he did  _ anything  _ to make Castiel even the slightest bit unhappy. After some harsh words on both sides were exchanged, Dean assured him it would be fine, though Gabriel wasn’t convinced. He’d heard that so many times before from Dean, and every single time, it ended with Castiel being hurt. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a huge thank you to my beta, Christy, who is the best beta anybody could ask for. Love you, babe <3

When the big day finally arrived, Dean had worked himself up so much that he almost cancelled. He knew he couldn’t, but the idea of seeing Castiel again after everything scared the ever loving hell out of him. He sat in his car for nearly ten minutes, trying to figure out an excuse to not go, before finally starting it and heading off to Overbrook. 

 

What would he even  _ say  _ to the man whose heart he broke so badly all those years ago? How on earth could he even begin to think he could face him after that? How would Cas react to seeing him again after so long? Questions spun around in his head the whole way there, making his anxiety skyrocket and the want to call it off and hide increased tenfold. 

 

Dean scanned the parking lot when he got there, half expecting to see Castiel waiting for him, and swallowed down some of his worry. This was still Cas, this was still the same man who used to demand the car be stopped to help turtles cross the road, wasn’t it? It was dumb to be so scared. He took a deep breath and stepped out of his car, taking one more look around before walking to the door. 

 

Noise hit him as soon as he got inside, the sound of billiard balls cracking against the sides of pool tables and country music blasting from the speakers. Looking around, Dean saw who he immediately recognized as Castiel sitting by himself in a corner booth with a half finished beer in his hand. Swallowing, Dean took another breath and headed over. 

 

Cas looked up at the late arrival and immediately got to his feet, pulling the older Winchester into a tight hug. “Hello, Dean.” He rumbled, his blue eyes bright with happiness. 

 

Dean pulled back after a moment, pausing as he involuntarily looked Castiel over, his heart thudding against his ribs at the sight of him. “Hey, Cas.” he replied, almost whispering. “It’s good to see you again.” 

 

In response, Castiel only grinned, his whole face seeming to crinkle, and retook his seat. “You haven’t changed at all.” He said, likewise looking Dean up and down. “I think you wore that shirt the last time I saw you.” 

 

Dean took a self-conscious look down, tugging the corner of his shirt. “Yeah, well, look at you. Is that the same coat you wore in high school?”

 

Cas shrugged, his fingers brushing over the well-worn fabric. “It’s still wearable, so why not use it until I can’t anymore?” 

 

He didn’t have a reply to that, so Dean just wet his lips. “H - How ya been?” he asked, feeling the same discomfort creeping up in his chest. “It’s been… a long time.” 

 

“I’ve been well. Michael and Gabriel have been bugging me to move back for years now, and the hospital was making cuts in the staff, so I took the opportunity to start looking for a place here.” 

 

Dean nodded, and the conversation lapsed into silence for a few moments. “You got a job or anything lined up yet?” 

 

“Oh, yes! I’m starting at Lawrence Medical next week. Already interviewed and everything.” There was that smile again. Castiel really hadn’t changed at all since high school, and that meant, he was whole heartedly fucked. 

 

“That’s… really cool, Cas, I’m happy for you.” 

 

Silence fell again, and Dean found himself just watching Cas - how he gripped his bottle, the way his lips wrapped around it, the small sliver of tongue as he lapped at the alcohol. Upon noticing this, Castiel blushed, setting the bottle down and clearing his throat. “What about yourself, Dean? What have you been doing the last twelve years?” 

 

Dean thought for a moment, unsure of how to answer, and just shrugged. “Not much. Still workin’ with my dad. Uh… Sam’s in college now. Got a scholarship and everything.” 

 

“That’s great about Sam. But is that it? You’re not moonlighting as a superhero or anything exciting?” Castiel prodded, not wanting to let him off that easily. “What about a girlfriend?”

 

Dean stalled for another moment, trying to decide if he wanted to bring Cassie up or not, and after a moment of staring at the man in front of him, shook his head. “No, not really. It’s, uh, been kinda slow in that department. Haven’t really found anybody as amazing as you.” 

 

That pulled a blush out of Castiel and he smiled, deciding to go ahead and speak before Dean got a chance to ask. “I haven’t either, in case you’re wondering.”

 

“Oh, come on, out of all those fancy doctors in Topeka, you mean to tell me not  _ one  _ of them caught your interest?” 

 

I… I tried a couple times, but everyone was too…” Now it was Cas’s turn to stall. “They weren’t you.” He added bluntly. 

 

“Gee, Cas, you know how to make a guy blush.” Dean chuckled, taking a sip of his own beer. “Glad to know I’m not alone in the Lonely Hearts Club.” 

 

“I’m serious, Dean _.  _ God, do you even know how much it’s killed me to not speak to you  _ at all  _ since I left? Do you know how badly, on rough nights, I wanted to call you, just hear your voice?” Dean could clearly hear the pain in Castiel’s voice and he swallowed, having to fight every urge to get up and sit beside him. “Do you have  _ any  _ idea what kind of an impact you had on me, Dean Winchester?” 

 

Dean cleared his throat, trying to make sure his voice would be stable when he spoke, and gave a tiny nod of his head. “I think I’m starting to get an idea…” 

 

Castiel took a breath and drained the rest of his drink, trying to clear his thoughts before he got too emotional. “I’ve missed you, Dean.” 

 

“Right back atcha.” 

 

It fell to silence again, both afraid of what to say after that. They ordered their food, and both thought about what the other had said. It appeared that Cas didn’t hold what happened against him anymore, and for that, Dean was relieved, but it also appeared he wasn’t the only one who had trouble moving on from their relationship. So where did that leave them?

 

“So, how do you like being back? Is it every bit as crappy as you remember?” Dean asked. 

 

“It’s… quiet. I don’t remember it being this quiet when we were kids.” 

 

Dean snorted, “That’s because we were hellraisers when we were kids, Cas. We were the  _ cause  _ of all the noise. Kids nowadays… They don’t know what fun is.” 

 

“You mean you haven’t contributed to this new batch of hellraisers?” 

 

“Kinda gave up on that idea.” Dean shrugged, trying to keep his tone light. “Decided I’d do more harm than good adding to future generations.”

 

Castiel set his food down and stared at Dean, trying to figure out what had changed in him. “What happened? You always talked about having kids when we were younger.” 

 

“Look, Cas, we all know I’m screwed up three ways from Sunday. The idea of passing that along to an innocent kid, just… It would be selfish to screw someone else up.” 

 

Castiel rolled his eyes, scooting his plate to the side and fixing his gaze right on Dean. “You know that’s stupid. Don’t lie to me, Dean, everyone passes traits along to their kids that are less desirable, but so what? As long as you don’t treat them like they’re a freak for it, it will be okay. And I know you would do the best you can. You’re too loving not to.” 

 

Dean cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable, and decided a subject change was in order. “So, have you gotten a cat yet? Sam told me Gabriel said you were lookin’ around.” 

 

“I have, but I haven’t found anything yet. I want to get to one of the shelters and spend some time looking, but I’ve been too busy to even consider it.” 

 

“Well,” Dean started, taking a small bite of a fry, “if you have a couple hours free one day, I’ll go with you, if you want?” 

 

“I would love that.” Cas grinned. 

 

Dean’s own smile mirrored the other man’s and he took a celebratory sip of his drink. “Just lemme know when you’re free.” 

 

Cas sat there in silence for a few moments, earlier words Dean said coming back to him. “You mean you’ve stayed at your dad’s shop this whole time? You never tried to get something better?” It made him a little sad to know that, to know Dean had stayed in the same spot this whole time. 

 

“Well, I mean. It’s a job. Fixing cars is the only thing I’m good at.” 

 

“That’s not true and you know it.” 

 

That put Dean on the defence and his expression went from happy to irritated in two seconds flat. “Why isn’t it true? I flunked high school, I couldn’t get into college if I tried. Nobody wants to hire a dropout, Cas. I’m  _ lucky  _ Dad decided to let me work there instead of turning me out on the street.”

 

“Your father is the reason you flunked in the first place!” Castiel’s voice was rising and they had started to attract attention to themselves. After noting this, Cas took a breath and calmed himself before he continued. “You can fix it, Dean. You can still graduate, and then you can do something more with yourself instead of staying there with that horrible man.” 

 

“You know, he may be an asshole, but that’s still my dad you’re talkin’ about.” 

 

Cas shut his eyes, feeling guilty for agitating him so much. “I know, I’m sorry. I just hate that you’re stuck. I know how badly you wanted to break away from him.” 

 

Dean took another pull from his beer and shook his head. “Sam got out, that’s the important thing.” 

 

“Dean, you’re every bit as deserving of your own life as Sam. I am happy Sam is free, but you deserve to be, too. If you aren’t happy--” 

 

“I never said I wasn’t happy.” 

 

“If you aren’t happy there,” Castiel continued, his tone stern, “then you should have every right to leave.” 

 

Sensing that this would just lead to another argument, Dean simply kept his mouth shut and nodded his head. He knew Castiel had a point, but how could he just leave? John was getting older, and he needed help around the shop.  _ Someone  _ had to stay behind and help out. And, besides, Sam had a better shot of making a life for himself than he did, so why not let him have it? 

 

“I didn’t mean to offend you.” Cas said when it became apparent that Dean wasn’t going to add anything. “I just..” 

 

“You didn’t offend me.” Dean assured him. “Let’s just not talk about that. You said you’re gonna be workin’ at Memorial? I… So, are you a big time doctor or somethin’?” 

 

A bit of the cheer on Castiel’s face dropped away and he sighed. “I wish. I’m a nurse, actually. It’s not that bad, but my GPA was too low for medical school, so I went into nursing instead.” 

 

“That’s…” Dean squinted, not understanding how someone like Castiel  _ wouldn’t  _ have a high GPA. “Are you sure? Cas, you’re smart as hell, why didn’t you get in.” 

 

“Because in high school, I had more things on my mind other than homework. Grades slipped just enough that I couldn’t get in.” 

 

That made Dean feel guilty for bugging him so much when they were kids. “I’m sorry.” 

 

“No, Dean, it wasn’t your fault. Not totally. I could have  _ easily  _ said no to you. I didn’t want to. At the time, I thought it didn’t matter, just a couple years, but it did… It’s not a big deal though. I’m happy with my job, and I’m happy with where I am in life. It worked out like it was supposed to.” Castiel said, finishing off his fries. 

 

“If you say so.” 

 

“Dean, everything works out like it should in the end. Does it always work out like we want it? No, it doesn’t, but we’re never given more than we can take. There’s lots of things I hoped would work out, but they didn’t.” Castiel said pointedly. “Maybe being a doctor would have overworked me. I’m not responsible for making hard calls, or having patients die on my table every other day. I don’t think I could handle it.”

 

That made Dean fall silent again, and he hurriedly finished off his food before attempting to make more conversation. This was going entirely different than he would have hoped, but he guessed he should have expected it after how things ended between them. Cas deserved to be a little pissy. He just hoped he hadn’t screwed this up already.

 

Castiel, noticing how tense things were getting again, quickly finished off his burger and checked his watch. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut the evening short, I have to go into the hospital tomorrow morning and train a little bit. They’re starting me off in ICU, which is something I’ve never done before.” Noticing the sad look on Dean’s face, he quickly added, “ _ But,  _ if you’re free next weekend, I would love to see you again. Just a little closer to home next time?” 

 

“I would say yes, but I also know your brothers, and if they even so much as suspected I was seeing you again, they’d skin me.” 

 

Castiel snorted. “They’re all bark, no bite. And besides, we’ve both grown up since high school, they just need a chance to see you for who you are now. You’re still Dean, yes, but you’re an adult. And it’s just dinner, it’s just two old friends catching up. They’ll get over it.” 

 

Dean mulled it over while he finished his beer. “Well, if you can squeeze me in somewhere, you know I’ll always want to see you.” 

 

That pulled a light blush to Castiel’s cheeks and he nodded, standing up with Dean and pulling the other man into a tight hug. “You have no idea how good it is to be home.” He whispered, laying down money for a tip and taking their bill up to the front before Dean could protest. 

  
  


As soon as he was out the door, some of the enthusiasm for seeing Dean again melted away. He had come face to face with the man who broke his heart and he had actually agreed to see him again?! His brothers were right, he really was some kind of crazy. He slumped in the seat and pulled out his phone, seeing 12 missed texts from Gabriel and Michael both, along with a couple calls. Sighing, Cas read through all the messages, rolling his eyes at how ridiculous they both were. 

 

_ G: Cas, it’s still not too late to back out. You don’t have to go.  _

_ G: You not replying better mean that you’re at home taking a nap and not going to see him.  _

_ G: Castiel answer me please.  _

_ M: Castiel, I’m not going to tell you not to go, but please text back to let me know he isn’t hurting you. Again.  _

_ M: Or, text me when you get a chance - as long as you’re not on the road when you do it.  _

_ G: CAS IF I HAVE TO TEXT YOU ONE MORE TIME I’M COMING OUT THERE MYSELF AND DRAGGING YOU HOME.  _

_ G: YOU HAVE UNTIL 9:00 AND IF YOU DON’T REPLY, I’M DRIVING OUT THERE.  _

_ M: Gabriel is here, now. He’s panicking saying that Dean kidnapped you and stole your phone. I told him he was overreacting, but please text back soon to reassure him.  _

_ M: Gabe is trying to convince me we need to drive out and get you, or at least call the cops.  _

_ M: I had to resort to giving him a xanax to calm down, he’s still antsy, but I don’t feel I have to knock him out anymore. Please let us know you’re safe.  _

_ M: Cas, it’s almost 10:00. I’m getting worried. If you don’t get back to me soon, I’m going to call.  _

_ G: Cas I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you if I did please get back to me little brother I love you I only want to make sure you’re alright please don’t hate me Cas.  _

 

Shaking his head, Cas sent them a joint text to reassure them both that he was fine, and they didn’t need to call the cops. 

 

_ C: You two worry way too much. I am FINE. Dean hasn’t kidnapped me, we haven’t run off, Gabriel, I don’t hate you, and I am coming home as soon as I finish typing this. I am very tired, I will tell you about what happened tomorrow afternoon. I’ll text when I get home :)  _

 

He started his car, and with one last look at the door to the bar, pulled off the lot and started back to Lawrence. 

  
  
  


Dean felt even less okay after the reunion with Castiel. He staggered back to his car in a daze, trying to make sense of what happened, what was said, and how happy Castiel seemed to see him. He got settled into his car, saw Sam had called, and listened to his message while he pulled out of the lot. He knew he would have to call his brother back, but he needed a few more minutes to think, to process, and to figure out how to handle the following weekend. 

 

Sam, apparently, made the choice for him, because five minutes down the road, he called again. 

 

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Dean asked by way of greeting. 

 

“Shouldn’t you be home by now?” 

 

Dean snorted. “What are you, my mother? I’m allowed to stay out after eleven, Sam. I won’t turn into a pumpkin.” 

 

A pause, and then an agitated, “I never said you would, but I didn’t think you’d be gone this long.” 

 

“Is something wrong, Sam?” 

 

Another pause, and then a sigh. “You know Gabriel and I broke up.” 

 

“Good! About time!” 

 

“Dean!” 

 

“Sorry. I just don’t see what you saw in him. He’s an asshole.” Dean replied. 

 

“No, he’s really not, once you get to know him. Anyways, we broke up, and… it’s a lot harder to deal with than I thought. It’s too quiet. Just wanted to see if I could crash at your place for a couple days? Just until the weekend is over. I.. don’t like being by myself this much.” 

 

“Of course you can, little brother. I should be back in… forty-five minutes, depending on traffic? Go ahead and go over whenever.”

 

“Thanks. I’ll go over soon.” 

 

“See ya.” 

  
  
  


Sam was waiting for him at the front door when Dean got back, a dufflebag slung over his shoulder. He looked exhausted and worse than Dean had seen him in a long time. It reminded him of how  _ he  _ looked when Castiel left. Shaking that thought from his head, Dean parked his car and waved at Sam and led the way to the door.

 

“Where’s Cassie?” Sam asked, double checking the driveway for her car. 

 

Shrugging, Dean held the door for Sam and threw his jacket in his chair when he got inside. “I don’ know. She had something to do with someone tonight, I didn’t pay attention.” 

 

“And how’d it go with you tonight?” If he knew Sam wouldn’t beat the crap out of him, he would have walked over and punched the smug grin off his face. 

 

Stalling for a moment, Dean kicked his shoes off and plopped onto the couch. “It went. He moved back, we caught up, he wants to see me again next Friday.” 

 

After a moment of not saying anything, Sam prodded. “Are you gonna go?” 

 

“I don’t know, Sam, I mean, it was good to see him again, but it’s… We’ve both moved on. It’s just asking for trouble to get friendly again.” 

 

“You are so full of shit it’s not funny.” Sam snorted, “You  _ know  _ you’re gonna see him again next week.”

 

“So what if I do? Fact still remains, we’ve moved on.” 

 

Sam had to laugh at that. “Sure you have. And that’s why his picture is still on your desk in your room. That’s why you still have all his cards, and ticket stubs, and I bet you a hundred bucks, I go out to your car, you still have that old coat of his in the trunk. That’s moving on.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and got to his feet, trying to keep his expression from giving him away. “Keep that kind of shit up you can get out of my house.” 

 

“You still love him, don’t you?” 

 

“I’m warning you, Sam.” 

 

“You’re not denying it.” 

 

“I’m not still in love with Cas!” Dean shouted, knowing how fake it sounded the minute he said it. “I’m really not. He’s in the past now. It’s done, over, no more us. Going to see him tonight was a mistake.” He ran a hand through his hair, said a curt goodnight to his brother, and hurried off to his room before Sam could get to him anymore. 

 

He shut the door, flopped down onto the bed and plugged his phone in to charge for a bit. After it turned on, there was a text and a facebook message waiting for him. 

 

_ Cassie: Turns out I’m a bit drunker than I thought. Spending the night with my friend. See you in the morning. _

 

_ Castiel Novak: Tonight was fun, Dean. It was so good to see you again. I look forward to next weekend. :)  _

 

After a moment of deliberating, Dean picked up his phone, opened facebook, and replied. 

 

_ D: You took the words right out of my mouth. You pick this time though. I’ll see you friday.  _

 

_ C: I actually wasn’t expecting you to still be awake.  _

 

_ D: Well, here I am.  _

 

_ C: Well, I need to sleep. I will message you tomorrow afternoon. Goodnight, Dean.  _

 

Grinning at his phone, Dean knew, right then and there, that he couldn’t just let Cas slip away this time. No matter what, he had to keep him around. He missed him too badly. 

 

_ D: Night Cas.  _

 

He set his phone down, then, and ran another hand through his hair, just thinking; of the night, of Cas, what they used to be, and what, in the deepest corners of his heart, he wished they could be again. 

  
  


When Sam woke up the next morning, he had several texts from Michael Novak, which confused him, but curiosity made him want to see what was said. Unlocking his phone, he was surprised by what they said. 

 

_ M: Sam, it’s Gabe. I’m guessing you still have my number blocked because you aren’t answering me. I’m sorry for saying what I did. I still think your brother is not a good person, but I love you and I miss you. Please talk to me.  _

 

Sam rolled his eyes, unblocked Gabriel’s number, and decided to talk to him without having to have Michael involved. If he were being honest, the oldest Novak scared the crap out of him, and if he were still going to be broken up with his ex, he would prefer not to have Mike seeing what he said. 

 

_ S: Gabriel, listen to me, I understand that you hate Dean because of what he did to Cas. I get it. But that’s still my brother, and it still hurts me when you say it. There are a lot of things I could say about your family, but I didn’t, because I loved you and I cared about them despite everything. If you really want things to be fixed, you’re going to have to learn to accept the fact that I still love my brother and you can’t just bitch about him to me like that. Until you think you can do that, I think it’s better if we just don’t talk. I’m sorry.  _

 

After sending the message, Sam blocked Gabriel’s number again and set his phone down, trying not to think about it too much. He missed Gabriel, he hated that he didn’t have him anymore, and he wanted more than anything to get him back. But Gabriel did have growing up to do. He needed to get it through his head that it hurt when he opened his mouth without thinking of who he was talking to. The sad part was, Sam didn’t know if he ever  _ would.  _

 

Sam lay back across the couch and closed his eyes, hating that things had to be like this. He hated that Dean and Cas had broken up in the first place, that his brother had treated Cas like he did, and that it had caused so many problems for all of them. He hoped that if things went back to normal for them that it would fix whatever rift had come between he and Gabriel so this wouldn’t happen again. 

 

He wasn’t able to mope too long, though, because Dean decided to come downstairs and get in the way. After several failed attempts at trying to get back to sleep, Sam just decided to stay up and pester his brother about Castiel more. 

 

He didn’t know who Dean thought he was fooling with saying he was over the youngest Novak. There were traces of him all over the house, even after 12 years. Sam knew Dean had a couple of Cas’s old books he left behind hidden in his own stacks, a big brass band record mixed with Dean’s classic rock, on top of the entertainment center was a flattened picture frame with a photo of them on their one year anniversary. He’d helped him move in here after the split, and he saw his brother hide all of it when he thought nobody was looking. Sam was sure, if he looked even harder, he’d find more things left behind that Dean hadn’t been able to bring himself to throw out.

 

Cassie got back in the early in the afternoon, looking like absolute hell. She didn’t say much to either of them aside from a quick hello, and immediately went to go shower. 

 

“She’s so nice.” Sam snorted, taking a sip of his coffee. 

 

Dean rolled his eyes, taking a quick glimpse back toward the bathroom, and sighed. “She actually is when we’re not trying to be a couple.” His brother shot him a confused look and Dean continued, “when we’re just being friends, she’s great to be around, but if we actually try to act like a couple, it makes us both uncomfortable, and it all falls apart.” 

 

“Then why do you stay?” Sam asked. “If you’re both unhappy, why do you keep trying to force it?” 

 

“‘Cause it gets old living in a house by yourself all the time. Especially when your mom keeps dropping hints that she wants grandkids and everyone and their damn brother says ‘i know someone who is single if you’re interested’.” Dean snapped. “It’s not fun being alone.” 

 

“Then get a dog?” Sam replied, finishing off his drink. “Or a hot roommate, I don’t know. You don’t  _ have  _ to be miserable all the time by yourself.” 

 

“Doesn’t stop the hinting around, does it?” 

 

“Then go get Cas back. Obviously you aren’t gonna be happy until you go get him, so just do it.” Sam said, clapping his brother on the shoulder. “I’m gonna go out for a bit, I’ll be back.” 

 

Dean was in too much shock to even attempt a reply, and just sat there, wondering how Sam figured that out so fast.

  
  
  


Gabriel and Michael showed up at Castiel’s apartment bright and early Saturday morning, demanding to know what happened the night before: how it went, what was said, and how badly they (see: Gabriel) were going to have to beat Dean up. 

 

“You’re both overreacting!” Cas told them, flopping down onto his couch. “Nothing happened. We went to dinner, we talked, and we said goodbye, that’s all!”

 

“If that’s true,” Gabriel started, his arms folded tightly across his chest, “then you would have gotten back with me sooner.” 

 

“I didn’t want to be rude!” 

 

“He deserves some rudeness.” Gabe muttered. 

 

“Gabriel, enough.” Michael interrupted, leaning against the back of the couch. “How did it go, Cas? Don’t worry about him.” 

 

Castiel just shook his head, staring at his brothers in disbelief. “You two are nosier than an old gossip. It… went. He told me that Sam was in college - which I already knew because of Gabriel - and what he’s been up to. I told him about Topeka, and what position I’ll be in at the hospital. We talked a  _ tiny  _ bit about high school, but not hardly anything.” 

 

“Did he seem upset, like he regretted anything?” 

 

“Gabriel what does that have to do wi--” 

 

“Just answer the question, Cas.” 

 

Sighing, Castiel stared his brother down for a moment before answering. “Fine, yes, he did. But I still don’t understand what that has to do with it?” 

 

“Just that he feels like the asshole that he is.” 

 

“Gabriel, I said enough!” Michael yelled, shaking his head at their brother. “If you can’t keep your mouth shut for five minutes, I’m throwing you out I understand you’re angry with Dean, and feel he’s personally responsible for breaking you and Sam up, but Sam had a good point about you running your mouth. But taking your own relationship problems out on Castiel is  _ not fair. _ ” 

 

Gabriel looked like Michael had just slapped him senseless. He took a seat on the floor and busied himself with the fraying ends of his jeans while Castiel continued. 

 

“He does regret what happened, I could tell just by watching him last night. We talked for a good bit about our lives and how things have gone for us. We’re going out again next Friday night, and maybe… maybe we can fix it.” Cas didn’t look at either of his brothers when he spoke, knowing well enough that they would be angry with him for saying that. 

  
If it were up to them, he would never see, speak, or think of Dean again, but all three of them knew, deep down, that it wasn’t over. Not really. Not until they ended up back together, or Cas got his closure. Both options scared the older Novaks to death. 


	3. Chapter 3

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel smiled, eyes following the other man as he sat down. “How was your week?” 

 

“Hey, Cas.” He replied, taking a moment before he answered. “It was a week. That’s all I can say. What about you?” 

 

Castiel just shrugged. “I’ve been very busy. ICU is more exhausting than I thought. It makes me glad I’m not squeamish around blood.” Another smile followed and Dean felt a small tug in his heart. He remembered those smiles, a bit haggard but still sweet. He remembered them close to finals, or after long work days in summer; any time Cas was having a rough time but wanting to appear like he had it under control. “If I’m honest, the promise of this has been about the only thing getting me through the week.”

 

“Well,” Dean started, “I’m even more happy that your brothers haven’t sought me out and killed me, then.” There was another look Dean recognized. One that was more often than not aimed at him, and always after he’d pissed Cas off. “I’m kidding, Cas.” 

 

“They’re not that bad, Dean. Protective, yes, but give them time. They’ll come around to you again.” 

 

_ They haven’t come around in twelve years, I doubt they’re going to now.  _ Dean thought, trying to think of another topic. “Speaking of your brothers, when is Gabriel going to get his head out of his ass and apologize to Sam?”

 

Castiel chuckled, waiting until their beers came around before he answered. “Michael asked me that very same thing just yesterday. Gabriel has apparently been hanging all over him and complaining that he misses Sam every few moments. Mike’s had enough.” 

 

“Sam’s been staying with me the whole week. I forgot how irritated we can get each other.” Dean replied, shaking his head. 

 

“Has he been mopey too?” 

 

“Not mopey. I mean he’ll bring it up now and then, but that’s mostly him bitching about how mad he is at him. He asks about you a lot, what’s going on with us, why and when we’re doing this. And then you add into the fact that he complains about the junk in my house.” 

 

That got Castiel’s interest and he raised an eyebrow. “What do you tell him?” 

 

“It’s my house and if I want to make a mess and not clean it up for two days, it’s my right.” 

 

“Not about that,” Cas snorted. “About me. This.” 

 

“Oh.” Dean took a long pull from his bottle, trying to stall a minute before he had to answer that. “I - I don’t know, man, I told him the truth.” 

 

“What’s the truth?” 

 

“It’s my business and he needs to keep his ass out.” 

 

“Oh.” Castiel whispered, trying not to look too disappointed in that answer.

 

“I don’t know… I haven’t seen you in forever, it’s… good to see you - talk to you, hang out - again. It feels normal.” 

 

That pulled a little smile out of the other man and he turned his eyes back to Dean. “I’m glad you feel that way.” 

 

Dean felt his cheeks go warm and he turned his attention to his hands fidgeting with his bottle on the table, both hating and loving how easily Cas could do this to him. “We were family. You don’t stop missing them even when you fall out of touch.” 

 

Suddenly, he felt pressure and warmth on his arm, and he looked up to find a soft, slightly sad smile on Castiel’s face, and his hand on his skin. “I’ve missed you, too. But I’m here now, and I would like to still be your friend, Dean. If you’re comfortable with that.”

 

“‘Course I am. You were family,” Dean repeated, “And… there’s still a spot open for my best friend if you want it?”  

 

“Of course.” 

 

“Alright then.” Dean swallowed, more excited at the prospect of having Castiel back in his life again than he probably should have been. 

 

“Aren’t you worried about my brothers and what they’ll say?” 

 

Dean nodded, but gave a small shrug of his shoulders. “I am, because I’m not ready to die yet, but no, because we’re adults and we can be friends with whoever.” 

 

“They’ll get over it.” Castiel assured him. “I promise. Michael doesn’t care much anyways, and Gabriel will usually listen to him. I just wish he would listen in regards to Sam.” 

 

“We all wish that.” Dean snorted, rolling his eyes. “They’ll be fine. One of ‘em’ll break down eventually and they’ll be back.” 

 

“I hope you’re right, Dean.” Castiel sighed, “Gabriel, he is a bit mouthy, and he does take things too far, but he  _ does  _ love Sam. You should hear how he talks about him when he calls or writes, or comes to visit. It always reminds me of another lovesick kid I used to know.” 

 

“You mean me?” 

 

“I mean myself. Talking about  _ you  _ to my brothers.” 

 

“Oh. Well… why can’t he talk to Sam like that then?” 

 

Cas pondered that for a moment, taking a small sip of his beer. “I think… he might be afraid. To let Sam see that, how much he loves him. It would make him feel vulnerable, which isn’t something Gabriel likes in any context.” 

 

_ I can relate.  _ Dean thought, quickly glancing at the man sitting across from him. “Well, regardless, it’s annoying.” 

 

“Yes, it is.” Castiel agreed. “I was wondering something yesterday,” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“I, um, if you still would be up for going, would you go with me to the shelter sometime next week? The apartment is lonely, and having a companion would be nice at night… If not, it’s okay, but I thought you--” 

 

“Name the day and I’m there.” Dean interrupted, excited at the prospect of seeing Castiel outside of a bar. 

 

“I… have Wednesday off, would that work okay?” 

 

“I can make it work.” 

 

Castiel’s face lit up with another smile, and Dean knew whatever shit his father gave him over skipping work would be worth it. 

  
  


They stayed out later that night, but it still ended too early for Dean’s liking. “Would you be up for doing this again next Friday?” 

 

“Of course. Same time and place?” 

 

“Yeah, that’d be great, Cas.” Dean nodded, his tongue sweeping out to wet his lips. “I’ll, uh, I’ll see you Wednesday, then? Just call me when you’re ready, I can come pick you up, or I can meet you there, or…?” 

 

Castiel thought for a moment. “How about I drive to your place, and we can go from there together?” He suggested. It was too easy for his brothers to pop up at random times, and if they had any suspicion that Dean’s car was in the area, they would be on him in seconds. 

 

Another nod was Dean’s response, and the two said their goodbyes and drove home. 

 

~

 

“Well, how’d it go?” Were the first words out of Sam’s mouth when Dean opened the door. The younger Winchester was sprawled across his couch, feet dangling over the end and his phone face down on his chest. “Did you kiss him yet?” 

 

“We’re not… It’s not like that, okay?” He replied in a hushed voice. 

 

“Cassie isn’t here.” 

 

“We’re just friends, Sam.” Dean repeated, louder, “What happened in the past is gonna stay there. We’re not going that far again.” 

 

Sam snorted, sitting up and setting his phone on the arm of the couch. “Says you. Are you going out again next Friday?” 

 

“You ask too many questions. How’d you like it if I nosed into your life like that, huh?” 

 

“You already do!” 

 

“And how do you like it?” Dean retorted. 

 

That shut Sam up for a second, and sensing a question was coming, decided to head it off. “He’s still blocked. So is Michael. He’s tried to text a few times, but I think he’s getting the hint.” 

 

“How’re you gonna know if he’s learned his lesson if he’s blocked?” 

 

Sam stood up, confused by this change in his brother’s attitude, and asked, “Since when do you care if Gabe and I are dating? You hate the guy.” 

 

Dean shrugged, kicking his shoes off and setting his wallet and keys down on the shelf by the door. “Yeah, well, no offense little bro, but I kinda miss my couch. And I miss you  _ not  _ butting into my private life all the time.” He joked. 

 

“You’re a real jerk, you know that?” 

 

“And you’re my little bitch of a brother. We done?” 

 

“Whatever, Dean.” 

 

“Good,” Dean replied, heading for his room. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Goodnight.” 

 

“Hey,” Sam called, turning after his brother. “Why does Cassie even bother staying here if she’s gonna be out all the time?” 

 

That made Dean think for a second. He knew before they started dating she had been staying with her dad, but that was a long time ago. “She doesn’t have anywhere else to go.” 

 

“Do you… still share a bed?” 

 

“I said  _ I _ was going to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow, but right now, I just wanna sleep, alright?” 

 

“Go.” Sam replied, sitting back down on the couch. 

 

Dean hurried away before Sam could talk anymore and shut his door behind him. He ran a hand back through his hair, exhaling and trying not to think too much. No, he and Cassie  _ hadn’t  _ shared a bed, not in a long time, which is why he felt it was okay to stick some of his old things back up. Dean flopped onto his bed and his eyes fell to the picture of he and Cas from so long ago, his heart aching to go back to that. 

 

He missed that, being close to someone in that way. He missed the tender touches, the lazy goodnight and good morning kisses, he missed waking up next to someone who was happy to see him. 

 

Dean thought back to earlier in the bar, when Castiel touched his arm, how  _ normal  _ it felt. His cheeks were hot again remembering it, how badly he wanted him to keep his hand there, how much he craved the contact. How hard it was not to beg the other man to touch him again. 

 

Taking a breath, Dean pulled himself back to the present and knew, right then and there, he was completely screwed. His meetings with Cas wouldn’t stop, he would never say no to him, Cas would always be eager to see him, and Dean… he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from falling in love with Castiel all over again. 

  
  
  


“So about my question last night.” Were the first words out of Sam’s mouth when Dean emerged from his room the next morning. 

 

“You,” Dean pointed, shuffling his way to the kitchen, “you wait until I’ve had coffee.” He heard the gentle padding of feet as Sam followed after him, dropping into a chair at the table. He knew he wasn’t going to get out of this, and, grumbling, Dean decided to just get it over with. “What was the question again?” 

 

“What’s the living situation with Cassie like? Is it basically just roommates, or are you guys still…” 

 

Dean blinked tiredly, trying to make sense of what Sam was asking. “Middle? I guess? Not exactly roommates, but the other stuff has kinda fizzled.” 

 

“Other stuff?” 

 

“You know, the,” Dean made a gesture or two with his hands, trying to somehow get Sam to understand what he was trying to say and failing miserably. “The relationship stuff.” 

 

“So you mean you don’t…  _ do  _ anything?” 

 

“S’that supposed to mean?” 

 

“Sleep together? Share a bed? Anything like that?” 

 

Dean squinted, not following along. “Why’re you so interested in this?” 

 

“Because of Cas.” 

 

The statement hung in the air for a long moment of silence while Dean tried to scramble for an answer. “Cas is not… I mean we’re not… It’s friends, Sam. We’re friends. Nothing more than that.” 

 

“No, you’re not.” 

 

“Yes we are.” Dean insisted. 

 

Sam stared at his brother, shaking his head in disbelief at what he was saying. “Dean, come on. If you think you’re  _ actually  _ hiding it, you’re in deeper denial than I thought.”

 

Now that he was awake and agitated, Dean got up to retreat. “You know, you can leave at any time and go back home. You wanna nose around in a relationship, do it to your own.” 

 

“So you admit there’s a relationship?” Sam asked, excited and ignoring the jab. 

 

“Why can’t you mind your own business?” 

 

“Why are you getting so defensive?” Sam countered, smirking. 

 

Dean paused, not knowing what to say to that, and took a sip of his coffee. “I’m not defensive, I’m annoyed because you won’t let this go. There is  _ nothing  _ going on with Cas and me. It’s just… catching up with an old friend. It’s--” 

 

_ Oh, the worst timing as always… _ Dean thought, hearing his phone going off. It was one of the old Elvis songs Castiel loved so much, the one about blue suede shoes, blasting from his phone. He set it up specifically for him a few days before. He darted for his phone, but Sam got there before him and read the text out loud. “‘We still on for Wednesday?’ What’s Wednesday, Dean?” 

 

“It’s none of your fuckin’ business, that’s what.” Replied his brother, his cheeks growing pink. 

 

Sam somehow managed that look of fake shock a bit too well. “Well that’s a bit rude. Why all the secrecy?” 

 

“ _ Sam,”  _ Dean growled, holding his hand out for the phone, “it’s nothing, alright?” 

 

The younger Winchester just smirked. “It’s obviously something if he’s calling to confirm. Are you going out on a not-date again? Should I be telling Mom?” 

 

“Fine!” Dean yelled, “he wants me to go to the shelter with him. He… wants a cat, he wants me to go.” 

 

Sam was quiet for a few long seconds, the smirk on his face only growing bigger. “That is. So. Fucking. Cute. You’re already picking out a pet together!” 

 

Knowing he wouldn’t get very far by arguing, Dean just kept quiet and hurried back out of the room and was followed by the sounds of Sam’s cackling behind him. 

  
  
  


The next time Dean came out of his room, Sam was gone and his phone was left right where it was before Sam touched it. He hurried to it, opening Castiel’s message and sending him a quick reply back. 

 

D:  _ Sorry Sam had my phone hostage. Definitely still on, just let me know the time. _

 

A moment later, a reply. 

 

C:  _ That’s great! Just wanted to check, if you still want to carpool, I can be there at noon, or I can meet you there, or…?  _

 

D:  _ Carpooling is good, I can be ready by then I think. Just be warned Sam is still here and he might try to ask about us… I apologize in advance.  _

 

C:  _ Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine. No worse than my brothers, anyways. They’ve been interrogating me since the first night about you.  _

 

D:  _ That’s always nice.  _

 

C:  _ Actually, it is. It’s always nice when I get to talk about you.  _

 

D:  _ Cas, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were flirting with me.  _

 

C:  _ I never said I wasn’t. ;)  _

 

Dean blinked, staring at his phone for a few seconds in a bit of a panic. How could he respond? What could he even attempt to say to that? It wasn’t as though he was upset - quite the opposite, in fact - but he was caught off guard. 

 

C:  _ I’m sorry, it just slipped out. I can stop.  _

 

D:  _ No. No it’s fine. It’s… it’s actually nice.  _

  
  
  


After he finished with Castiel for the moment, Dean decided to go ahead and call his dad about taking Wednesday off. 

 

“Winchester and Sons,” A gruff voice answered from the other end. 

 

“Bobby?” Dean asked, confused. “What’re you doin’ there today?” 

 

Bobby Singer owned the salvage yard near the auto shop and had worked closely with their father for years; so much so that Singer’s Salvage became an official partner and partial owner of Winchester & Sons Automotive. Dean could barely remember a time when the older man wasn’t around in their lives. When Mary and John had rough times, the boys were always sent with Mr. Singer, who became more of a father than their own to them. 

 

“Your dad got brought in a couple of totals that he wanted me to take for him, and is busy getting them loaded on the truck. What’cha need?”

 

Dean stalled for a moment, trying to decide how to word it, before he finally admitted, “I need Wednesday off, I’ve got an appointment.” 

 

“Really?” Bobby asked, clearly skeptical, “where at?” 

 

“It’s… not an appointment for me, really, but… a friend. A friend who needs a ride.” 

 

Silence from the other end of the line. 

 

“A friend who needs a ride to the shelter.” 

 

More silence. 

 

“It’s…. Uh.... It’s Cas.”   

 

“Cassie needs a ride to a shelter?” Bobby asked, still not buying it. 

 

Dean swallowed, not wanting to explain himself, but knowing he had to. “Not… her…  _ Cas  _ Cas. As in, Cas Novak.” 

 

“As in, boy whose heart you broke Cas?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“When did you start talking to him again?” He could hear the confusion in Bobby’s tone, clearly not getting how they could meet up again without the whole town knowing. 

 

“Since… Look, I’ll explain it later, but I really need Wednesday off.” 

 

“No, you’ll explain now.” 

 

Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair, and took a breath. “Cas found me online about a month and a half ago, said he was moving back into town, and asked if I wanted to meet up. We did, and agreed to go out again last Friday, and he asked if I’d drive him to the shelter. He wants a cat.” 

 

“And he doesn’t have a car?” 

 

“No, he does, but he wants me to go.” 

 

He could almost hear Bobby muttering to himself while trying to work out this turn of events in his head. “So let me get this straight: Your ex, who you haven’t seen in over ten years, gets ahold of you online, asks you out - which with no hesitation, you go along with, asks you out  _ again,  _ and now you’re picking out a pet together?” 

 

“Sounds right.” Dean swallowed. 

 

“Did something happen that you’re not tellin’ us about?” 

 

He should have been expecting that question, but it still caught him off guard, and he stuttered out a denial, trying to come up with some explanation for it. “I - I don’t know why he asked. I guess… he just trusts me? I don’t know, Bobby… I actually forgot about it until this morning. I j-just…. Didn’t want to say no.” 

  
  


The other man was quiet for a moment or two while he mulled it over, not knowing how to really react to it all. “If I let you have it off you have to promise me something.” 

 

“What?” 

 

“Do not fuck it up with that boy again, you hear me?” 

 

Dean took a breath, making sure his voice was steady before answering. “Loud and clear, sir.” 

 

“I mean it. He’s too good of a catch for you to let him slip away twice. This is your second chance, don’t fuck it up.” 

 

“I won’t.” Dean promised, not even bothering to deny there was anything to fuck up. “But, if it’s gonna be too much trouble, don’t worry about it, I don’t want Dad--” 

 

“You let me worry about your dad, boy. You worry about making things right with Cas.” 

 

Gratitude for Bobby flooded through him and he smiled, excited to get ahold of Castiel and tell him the good news. “Thanks, Bobby.” He said, getting one last warning about fucking it up before he ended the call. 

  
  
  


D:  _ I have good news. I’ve got Wednesday off so I’m good to go with you.  _

 

C:  _ That’s fantastic, Dean! But you didn’t have to take the whole day off, I don’t plan on it taking forever.  _

 

D:  _ Well let me treat you to lunch afterwards then.  _

 

C:  _ I would love to, but what about if I find a cat? I’ll have to get things set up at home.  _

 

D:  _ Well let’s go see if we can find a cat, then set it up, THEN go to lunch?  _

 

Castiel giggled, staring down at his phone for a second while he thought. Of course, if Dean was offering, he wasn’t exactly going to turn him down, but he knew it wasn’t good to leave an animal alone in a new place like that. Though he wasn’t keen on denying Dean, either. He sighed, knowing that his obligations as a pet owner needed to come first. 

 

C:  _ How about this: since you’re offering, and I am not exactly able to leave right away, you treat us to pizza and we can eat here?  _

 

He waited impatiently for Dean to reply, watching the bubble pop up to indicate the other man was typing, only to go away and pop up again several times. 

 

D:  _ I don’t see why we can’t work something out. I’ll see you Wednesday, alright?  _

 

A smile lit up Castiel’s face, excited to be spending even more time with the other man.

 

C:  _ I’ll see you then. Have a good day, Dean. :)  _

  
  


~ 

 

The next few days were filled with nothing but questions from everyone. Sam hounded him relentlessly, hoping to finally irritate him enough that he would confess his real feelings for Castiel, their dad had called a couple times asking nearly the same thing, and Bobby still promised bad things if he fucked it up again. 

 

The only one he  _ wasn’t  _ being questioned by was Cassie, who he had barely seen since the previous weekend. He said hello to her in the mornings and the two shared a quick breakfast before Dean left for work. When he got home in the evenings, she was gone, and he never knew when she came back. It wasn’t that he was insanely worried; Cassie could handle herself, and she always said she was with her friends and had her phone, so unless something really bad had happened, he knew she’d be fine. 

 

Sam had also been spending more time away from the house. His classes were getting ready to start up again, and he was spending more and more time in the library to get ready for it. 

 

It was a relief to Dean to have the bit of alone time when he got home. Sure, Sam started in when he got back from studying at night, but he had a couple hours to prepare himself for it now, at least. It gave him time to think, about Cassie, and Castiel, and even about Sam’s failed relationship. 

 

It was clear to him now that he wasn’t in love with Cassie anymore. He had known it deep down, but he never wanted to admit it, never wanted to give up on the idea of what she represented for him. A family. A way to say he’d finally moved on from Cas. He knew that wasn’t fair to either of them in the end, though. 

 

He also knew that it was time to break it off so they could both get on with their lives. Dean hoped they could still be friends at the end of it all, but he knew they needed to talk about this and get it over with as soon as possible. 

 

Dean also knew that the more time he spent with Cas, the more old feelings were resurfacing. Dean knew, deep down, he had never completely fallen out of love with the other man, and now that he’d seen him face to face again, he was starting to see that he still held the same amount of affection for him that he did in high school. Since that first night, Castiel had consumed most of his waking thoughts - not to mention a few of his dreams - and it just made Dean that much more eager for their next scheduled meeting. 

  
  


Bright and early Wednesday morning, his phone buzzed with Castiel’s ringtone, and, still half asleep, Dean felt around for it, grumbling to himself about the earliness of the hour, and what the other man could  _ possibly  _ need from him before 7:00 in the morning. 

 

“Yeah?” Dean slurred, trying to hide the yawn in his voice. “Cas?” 

 

“Oh, hello, Dean,” Came the gruff voice on the other end, “I just wanted to check and make sure everything was alright?” 

 

Blinking, Dean tried to make sense of what Castiel just asked. “Far as I know, yeah? Did something happen I don’t know about?” 

 

A short pause, and then, “No, just… Something woke me up, and I had this urge to call, I don’t really know why… Something felt different.” 

 

Now he was getting a little concerned. “Are you alright?” 

 

“Yes.” Castiel assured him. “Everything is fine, I think. Are we still on for today?” 

 

“Yeah.” Dean yawned, still more asleep than awake. “But I think we both need to crash a couple more hours before anything happens, alright?” 

 

“I’m sorry I woke you. You’re sure everything is fine?” 

 

“I promise, nothin’s happened that I know of.” Dean promised, his eyes falling shut. 

 

“Okay… Goodnight, Dean.” 

 

“See you in a few.” With that, Dean hung up the phone, and, just because his paranoia was starting to get the better of him, sent a half coherent text to his brother just to check on him. 

 

D:  _ Everythin okay out there?  _

 

S:  _ If by okay you mean did you wake me up out of a dead sleep, then yeah everything is fine.  _

 

D:  _ sorry cas just called freaked out. Wanted to make sure.  _

 

S:  _ I’ll ask about it when I’m more awake, but seeing as it’s still dark out, I’m gonna have to ask you to shut up. Goodnight, Dean.  _

 

Not bothering to respond, Dean put his phone back on his nightstand and was back to sleep in just a few moments. 

  
  


The next time he woke, the morning sun was just beginning to peek in through his window, and Dean checked his phone in case Castiel had tried to contact him again. Seeing that he hadn’t, Dean took it as a sign that his anxiety had been quelled, and decided to get up. He dressed slowly, taking time to really think about what the other man had said to him earlier. Cas hadn’t said that anything was wrong, just that it was  _ different.  _ In his experience, “different” could mean a wide array of things. He thought over their last few conversations and yes, they had been a bit more flirty than before, and things had started feeling comfortable again, but was that really entirely different? He didn’t think so. 

 

When Dean finally shuffled his way into the kitchen, Sam was sitting up on the couch, half asleep and very grumpy. His eyes were glued to the screen of his phone, and his lips were turned down into a scowl. “Morning, princess.” he snorted, starting a pot of coffee for himself. 

 

“What was this morning about?” Sam asked, not lifting his eyes from the device. 

 

Dean shrugged, plopping into his chair. “Dunno. Cas just called, upset, and asked if anything was different. It was weird.” 

 

“Okay, so, why did you need to wake me up?” 

 

“Just wanted to be safe than sorry, little bro. What’s with the look?” 

 

Sam finally glared up at his brother, and flashed his phone at him. “Since you felt the need to ask this morning, I decided to text Mom and ask her if things were okay, and for god knows what reason, I decided to check my blocked numbers.” 

 

“Oh no.” 

 

“Oh yes.” Sam cleared his throat and scrolled back to the top. “He’s messaged me about twenty times, Dean. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to just forgive him, but I’m starting to feel like an asshole for doing this.” 

 

Dean held up his hands, shaking his head. “I’m not getting involved in this. This drama is between you and him.” 

 

“I just want your advice.” 

 

_ My advice?  _ Dean thought.  _ I’m going to see my ex who’s heart I broke and I may or may not still be in love with in just a couple hours, I’m about to break up with my girlfriend  _ for  _ said ex, and I have no idea if he even wants much to do with me. My advice isn’t great.  _ “I think you should just go with what you feel.” He shrugged. “I don’t know, man, I don’t know anything about this stuff.” 

 

“What I feel is that I want to slap him in the face still.” Sam muttered, staring back at his phone. 

 

“What’s he even saying to you?” 

 

Sam just sighed, holding off for a moment and scanning the messages before shaking his head. “He misses me. He’s sorry for what he said, and what all happened. He wants me back.” 

 

“Do you want him back?” Dean asked. 

 

“I don’t know yet.” 

 

Just by looking at the guilt and longing on Sam’s face, Dean could tell that answer was complete bullshit. “Just think about it, man, then you can go from there.” 

  
  
  


Unfortunately for Dean, Sam was still at the house when Castiel showed up in the afternoon. He tried to hurry and get out the door before Cas could come inside, but the other man was faster, and Sam just  _ insisted  _ that he let him in. He knew it was childish, but Dean couldn’t help but hide in the hallway out of sight while the two spoke so he wouldn’t be teased. 

 

“Hello... Sam?” Castiel’s gruff voice greeted, obviously not expecting that Winchester to be at the door. “How are you?” 

 

“Heya, Cas.” Dean swore he could hear a smirk in his brother’s voice, and he cursed under his breath, hating that Sam had inherited his ability to be a little shit. “I can’t complain, how’ve you been since moving back?” 

 

Dean could hear footsteps as Castiel walked passed his brother, taking a moment to look around before answering. “It’s been an adjustment… I’m sure Dean told you I’m training at the hospital?” 

 

“He might have mentioned it. How’s it been?” 

 

Castiel’s footsteps were getting closer, and Dean scooted farther down the hall. He could see the other man’s shadow stopped in front of the entertainment center, and Dean guessed he’d spied one of the pictures he had up of them. That, or, some familiar vinyls in his record collection. Either way, it made Dean feel embarrassed that he had been so obvious with that stuff. 

 

“Exhausting, if I’m being honest. I had to start in ICU, which has been a nightmare. Thankfully, they’re switching me to the day shift here soon, I believe.” Dean could hear the sound of someone picking up something, and he guessed that was one of the old pictures. Heat flooded to his cheeks and he figured he’d better get out there soon before something more personal got revealed. 

 

However, his brother’s next question made him stop short. “Has…” Sam started, hesitating for a moment, “Has Gabriel… said anything to you about what happened? Or - Or mentioned me at all?” 

 

Whatever was in Castiel’s hand was set back down, and his quiet footsteps got a little farther away. “He misses you, Sam. Every time I talk to him, he asks how you are, or if I’ve talked to you, or  _ anything,  _ really. My brother can be an idiot sometimes, but one thing I know for sure is that he cares deeply for you.”

 

“I’m not gonna lie, I miss him. A lot.” 

 

“Well, here’s hoping that you two can resolve things.” Castiel said encouragingly. 

 

Dean came down the hall then, a small smile on his face and a slight wave to Castiel. “You ready?” He asked. 

 

Castiel’s expression lit up the moment he saw Dean, and was on his feet and ready to roll before he even said anything. “Hello, Dean.” He said warmly, giving a small nod as an answer to his question. “It was good to see you again, Sam. We need to sit down and catch up soon.” 

 

Before his brother could tease him about anything, Dean was already out the door and going to start up his car before Cas finished his goodbye. He sat down, trying to cool his cheeks and take a moment to compose himself before the other man dropped into the seat beside him. 

 

He didn’t say anything for a moment, just smiling to himself about something Dean was afraid to ask about, and waited until they were down the road before speaking. “Sam has shot up since the last time I saw him.” Castiel remarked. 

 

“Yeah, we think he got mistaken for a cow or something and got shot with growth hormones when we weren’t looking.” Dean joked, chancing a look over at the man beside him. 

 

Castiel was still grinning, his eyes taking in the interior of Dean’s car. “This hasn’t changed at all since the last time I sat here.” He told him. “You’ve taken amazing care of this car.” 

 

_ It’s about the only thing I  _ can  _ take care of.  _ Dean thought bitterly. “Thanks, Cas.” 

 

In response, Castiel just grinned, eyes still looking around as Dean pulled away from the house. Dean was once again struck by how quickly the other man had wormed his way back into his heart, and it both thrilled and scared him. It felt so normal to have Castiel back in his life, to almost pick up where they’d left off when Cas left, but it terrified him at the same time. It would be so easily to get scared by where they were, to ruin it all again so easily. He’d gotten lucky with Cas this time, and he knew this wouldn’t happen again. 

 

“So, uh, did you ever figure out what was so different this morning?” Dean asked, realizing how quiet things had gotten between them. 

 

“I never did.” Castiel said, a frown tugging at his lips. “It isn’t important, though.” 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a warning, this chapter contains mention of a suicide attempt. Please read with caution.

Castiel was the first out of the car when Dean found a space, his excitement showing in every step he took up to the door. Dean followed along a few paces behind, just watching him. Castiel waited for him at the entrance, trying not to start bouncing, and Dean couldn’t help but chuckle at him. “You’re not excited or anything, are you?” He asked, affection in his voice. 

 

Cas didn’t answer, just grabbed Dean’s hand and hurried off to the back of the building, where the cats were. 

 

“Look at them!” Castiel squeaked, letting the other man go while he walked up and down the aisle, having to make sure he pet every cat there. “I want to take all of them home.” 

 

“I wish you could, but you’re here for one, remember?” Dean spoke, walking up beside him. He saw Castiel’s eyes fall to a scraggly black and white cat in the bottom cage of the row he was in, and scooted out of the way as the other man dropped to his knees, holding his fingers through the bars as he called to the animal. 

 

The name on the chart dangling next to it read  _ Lucky  _ and as it hobbled its way up to Cas, he could understand why. The cat was missing a leg, which could only mean it had gotten itself into some deep shit. 

 

“What happened to you?” Castiel asked it softly, his eyes sad as the little cat rubbed against his fingers. 

 

Dean knew, as soon as he saw it, that was the cat he was taking home. Castiel had always been that kind of person; the one taking home the misfits that nobody else wanted. He guessed that is what drew  _ them _ together in the first place. That’s what made Cas such a good person. He gave everyone a chance - more than one, actually - when nobody else would, he genuinely cared about people and their stories, how they felt, what they were doing with their lives. Cas helped people get to where they needed to be and never asked them for anything in return; he just liked seeing people happy. 

 

Dean felt sick to his stomach knowing he’d taken advantage of that. When Cas needed someone to be the support for him, to help him get his life back on track, he abandoned him. He left him to fend for himself when the world wanted nothing more than to make a meal out of the beautiful boy Castiel was. He swallowed, his hands clenching up in an effort to hold himself together, and took a breath to steady himself out. 

 

He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t notice that Castiel had already called someone over to unlock the cage, and had the three legged cat in his hands, talking sweetly to it and smiling brighter than he’d seen him do in a very long time. 

 

“Don’t worry.” Dean heard him whispering to the animal, “I promise you’re going to be safe now.” 

  
  


Naturally, everything was already set up at the apartment, and all Lucky had to do was show up and use it. Castiel hadn’t stopped talking about her all the way home, about how he fell in love with her as soon as he’d seen her, how happy he was that she’d walked into his life, and how perfect of a fit she was going to be in his home. 

 

Smiling, Dean said, “I should have known you’d pick someone like her. I thought you’d end up with a fluffy little kitten or something. That fits you.” 

 

“I wanted to, originally,” Castiel replied, his eyes drifting to the back seat where Lucky lay in her carrier. “But then I saw her, and I knew she would end up dying there if I didn’t take her. Special needs animals are so much more likely to be euthanized because they ‘aren’t as cute’. I couldn’t just leave her there. Besides, she’s just as perfect as any other cat there.” 

  
  


Dean cast a cautious look around the street for any sign of Castiel’s brothers before he stopped the impala and let his eyes land on the apartment building where Cas lived. It was a small place compared to some of the other ones in town, but it fit the other man. Cas carried Lucky’s cage up three flights of stairs, and into the last door on the right. Dean stepped inside and his mouth fell open at the sight of it. Cas had the corner suite, with a huge window on the far wall overlooking the street and a good part of the town in the background. Light flooded in through it, spilling over the floor and bouncing off the walls and illuminating the whole place so it looked like something out of a movie. 

 

Under the big window was a bench that ran the whole length of it and covered in pillows and a half-finished paperback, and a little box sat unused just a few feet away. A small basket of toys lay waiting on the opposite side on top of a pet bed. A small couch was displayed smack in the middle of everything, aimed at the entertainment center, which was stuffed with books and a small TV. Pictures hung crookedly around the whole place, along with the diplomas from both high school and college. It wasn’t the biggest place, but it was cozy, and more importantly, it was 100%  _ Cas.  _

 

Dean stepped into the middle of the room, taking it all in. It looked like everything Castiel had described to him when they talked about getting a place of their own, and it made him long for those days even more. “It’s a nice place you got here.” He spoke. 

 

Castiel smiled, giving a small shrug of his shoulders. “It’ll do for now. I’m hoping to get a real place when I get into the swing of things. But I’m grateful Gabriel found this for me. It’s… better than I could have asked for.” He set Lucky down, watching as she took her first looks around at her new home. “Now, how about you treat me to lunch?” 

 

“You drive a hard bargain, but I guess I could eat, too.” Dean teased, pulling his phone out and dialing the number for the pizza place. 

 

~ 

 

“It’ll be here in about a half hour.” He told Cas once he was off the phone. “So, we’ve got a good while to wait.” 

 

“Might as well sit down,” The other man offered, plopping down on one end of the couch and waiting for Dean to do the same. They sat in silence for a little while, eyes flipping from the television to Lucky, and then back again every few moments. “It’s weird having you here.” Castiel spoke eventually. “It’s really driving it home that I’m actually back. It has every time I’m around you. When I’m by myself, it’s easier to forget. It’s easier to imagine myself in Topeka.” 

 

“I’m… sorry?” Dean mumbled, confused by what he meant by that. 

 

Cas shook his head, turning away from the TV and looking directly at him. “It’s not a bad thing, Dean. I’m glad I came back. It was lonely out there; I missed my brothers, I missed Lawrence, but I missed  _ you,  _ more than anything.” 

 

Dean swallowed, not knowing how to respond to that. “I… repeat my earlier statement.” 

 

“Well I’m  _ not  _ sorry. You were one of the best things to ever happen to me, Dean Winchester, and nothing that happened at the end is ever going to change my mind on that.” Castiel told him, his voice full of conviction. “Even now, you’re still up in the top three. I  _ loved  _ you, Dean. More than I’ve loved anyone else before or since. You helped turn me into the person I am.” 

 

“Why is that a good thing?” Dean snapped, unable to believe he’d left any kind of good impact on Castiel. “I left you. You needed me, and I left because I couldn’t.. I couldn’t deal with my own life, and I took it out on you.” 

 

“We were kids.” 

 

“That doesn’t make it right!” Dean shouted, getting to his feet. His eyes were wide and he knew he’d be crying soon if he didn’t get a grip. “Your mom died, and you needed someone. You needed  _ me,  _ and I wasn’t there.” 

 

Calmly, Castiel stood up and shot Dean a look that was so full of sadness that he couldn’t believe he was putting him through this again. “You’ve apologized for it. It’s in the past now.” 

 

Dean swallowed again. “You almost died because of me. You lost your mom, and I left you because I didn’t get accepted to Kansas State and couldn’t handle it. How did that do you good?” 

 

“Dean--”

 

“Cas, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you. For not following you to school… I’m sorry for everything that happened.” 

 

Cas shut his eyes and took a breath before taking the few steps over to the other man and wrapping his arms around him. “It wasn’t your fault.” He promised, laying his chin on Dean’s shoulder. “None of it was your fault, Dean.” He led the other man back to the sofa and sat him down, sitting down right beside him and swallowed. “We were both going through a lot when Mom died. I never blamed you for ending things when you did. I knew you were hurting, I was, too. I… didn’t want you to deal with my issues on top of your own. But I  _ missed  _ you. I missed being able to call you at two in the morning when I had a panic attack. I missed you sleeping beside me on the weekends. I missed everything about you.” He looked up at Dean, tears in his eyes, and sucked in a shaky breath. “When I took the pills, I was in a very dark place. I didn’t see the point of anything anymore with my mother gone, with you gone.. Michael was working all the time, Gabriel was out on his own… I just found out I wasn’t going to be a doctor after everything, I didn’t get accepted where I wanted… I didn’t know what to do anymore. I had nobody to talk to to, I didn’t have anyone to call to talk me down, I just wanted peace. I thought about calling you while I waited, but I couldn’t put that on you on top of everything else.” 

 

Guilt flooded over Dean when Cas told him that, and tears slipped down his cheeks knowing that it was his fault that this happened. No matter what, he knew it was true. If he would have manned up and stayed by his side, Cas would never have felt that bad. “I’m just glad Gabriel found you when he did.” 

 

“When you called me after I got out of the hospital, I was so happy. I thought things were going to be okay again, I thought… I thought maybe we had a real chance.” Castiel’s cheeks were wet as he spoke, and Dean wanted nothing more than to go back and stop it from happening. He knew what was coming next, and he didn’t want Cas to have to tell it. “You talked so much about us getting a place in Topeka, I thought you were really gonna come along. I waited for you for nearly a month to come out. Then Gabriel told me you’d gotten a job with your dad.. Why didn’t you tell me, Dean?” 

 

He felt sick. He felt like he needed to leave. “I… got scared. I didn’t want you to be stuck with me after what happened. I - I thought it would help if I stayed away. You deserved better than me. You still do.” 

 

“I just wanted you.” Castiel replied. “I just wanted you with me.” 

 

“I know. I’m so sorry.” 

 

Castiel lost himself completely to his emotions and fell forward onto Dean’s chest, clinging to him, needing him there to hold him. “I loved you so much.” 

 

“I loved you too.” 

 

Dean could feel the other man’s grip tightening on his shirt and he wrapped his arms around Castiel, pulling him closer and hoping to provide some comfort to him. Tears slipped down his own cheeks and he pressed a kiss to the top of Cas’s head, his lips lingering for a moment. He hated himself for doing this to him, for hurting him as much as he had, and he wanted nothing more than to fix it. He wanted to see the man he loved smile again, he wanted to put happiness back into his eyes. He just didn’t know how.

 

When Castiel finally pulled away, he looked exhausted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t.. I didn’t intend for that to happen. At all.” 

 

Not saying a word, Dean leaned in, brushing a gentle kiss to Castiel’s lips to which the other man responded with much more intensity. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and somehow ended up in his lap, his tongue in Dean’s mouth, desperately tasting every inch of him that he could. Hands scrambled for purchase on the back of a shirt, a moan escaped a throat, and neither one wanted any of it to end. 

 

When they finally broke apart, Castiel leaned his forehead against Dean’s, closing his eyes and pressing another small kiss to his lips. “I still love you.” He whispered. 

 

“I never stopped.” Dean replied. 

 

That brought a smile to Castiel’s face and he pulled away, locking eyes with Dean. He knew his brothers, if and when they found out, would be furious with him for this, but he didn’t care. Dean still loved him, and that was all that mattered. They could deal with the rest when it came to it. “I’m sorry… about breaking down on you.” 

 

“Don’t worry about it. That needed to be said. It has been for a long time.” Dean assured him, cradling the other man’s cheek in his hand. God, how he missed this. It had been so long since he’d been close to anyone like this, he didn’t want to stop. “Are we okay now?” 

 

Castiel nodded, snuggling up close to him again and shutting his eyes. “We’re okay. We’re better than okay, actually. I’ve missed you so much, Dean.” 

 

An arm found its way across Castiel’s shoulders and Dean pulled him a bit closer. “Right back at’cha, Cas.” 

 

“Can.. we... try this again?” 

 

“Your brothers are gonna kill me if they find out.” 

 

“Fuck them.” 

 

“I’d rather not.” 

 

“Dean.” Castiel replied, giving him a look. 

 

“I know.” The other man chuckled, pressing a kiss to the side of Cas’s head. “I want to.  _ God _ , I want to. But… are you sure? After everything?” 

 

“ _ Yes, _ ” Castiel whispered. “More sure than I’ve been of anything in a long time. Ever since I saw you at the bar, I’ve been hoping…” 

 

Dean shot him a tiny smile, settling himself in for a little bit until their pizza showed up.  They ate in silence, occasionally playing with Lucky and offering her bites of pepperoni. 

 

“That first night, I saw you sitting there, and, God, Cas…” Dean started, setting his plate down, “It was like nothing had changed. I saw you, and it felt the same as it did when we were kids. I… I don’t know, it felt normal. As scary as it was at first, I felt... _ happy. _ And… It’s happened every time I’ve seen you since.” 

 

If Castiel blushed after hearing that, he’d never admit it. 

 

~

 

Dean stayed with Castiel until it started getting dark, knowing questions would be waiting for both of them if it got too much later. He figured there would be some anyways, but at least he was leaving at a more respectable hour. 

 

“I’ll probably end up texting you later tonight.” Dean said, pulling Castiel in for one more parting kiss. “Have fun with your cat.” 

 

“I definitely will.” Castiel grinned, walking Dean to the door. “Are we still going out this weekend?” 

 

Thinking about it for a moment, Dean shrugged. “I don’t see why not. We planned on it. Least now I can take you on a real date and not a bar.” 

 

“I look forward to it.” 

 

“I’ll see you later, Cas.” 

 

In response, Cas waved goodbye, not shutting the door until Dean was out of sight. He turned back into the apartment, still grinning and feeling like he was 16 and had his first kiss again. Castiel picked Lucky up from the floor, holding her for a moment while he processed everything that had happened that day. He had a cat, he had a boyfriend, and he finally, completely, felt like he was back home. Dean had never stopped loving him. He played that back over in his head for  good while, still unable to fully believe it to be true.  _ Dean still loved him _ . What more did he need than that? 

 

The sound of his phone going off pulled him back to the present and he held his cat in one hand while digging his device out of his back pocket. 

 

_ M: Was that Dean I just saw driving down the road?  _

 

_ C: It might have been. What’s it to you?  _

 

_ M: Just curious, little brother. It seemed like he was there a long time. _

 

_ C: We were setting things up for my cat. Her name is Lucky. You should come meet her.  _

 

Michael didn’t reply to that, but after a few moments, there was a knock at Castiel’s door, and the youngest Novak barely got it open before his brother was pushing his way inside and looking for the newest addition to their family. “Where is she? Where’s my niece?” 

 

Castiel picked his kitten up from the ground and handed her off to Michael, who immediately started making over her like she was his own. “She’s adorable, Castiel.” He grinned, scratching her under the chin. “She’s perfect for you.” 

 

“Thank you, Mike.” 

 

“You said Dean went with you?” 

 

Nodding, Cas led the way into his living room, letting Mike sit down with the kitten in his lap. “He did. And it was nice. We talked a lot.” 

 

“About?” 

 

“About how nosy you, Gabriel, and Sam are about our lives.” Castiel retorted, shooting his brother a look. 

 

Mike held his hands up in defense. “I just want to make sure you’re being careful, brother.” 

 

“What’s there to be careful about, Mike? He apologized to me a hundred times today for everything. I talked about what happened, and he apologized more. We made up. There’s nothing to be ‘careful’ about.” 

 

“Cas, if you’re going to start things back up with him, just… take it slow. Don’t give yourself all the way over to him immediately. That’s all I’ll say.” 

 

Castiel didn’t have a reply to that, so he just nodded. He knew that Mike meant well, but he didn’t know Dean the same way Cas did. He didn’t feel worried about picking up where they left off again. Things would be fine. “Don’t tell Gabriel right away, please. I don’t want him to panic.” 

 

His brother chuckled. “I won’t tell him, but you know Gabriel as well as I do. He probably already knows.” 

  
  


~

 

When Dean got back to the house, Cassie’s car was parked out front, haphazardly, on the curb. That was unusual. The front door was locked, which it never was when she was there. Something was wrong. Quietly, Dean unlocked it and stepped inside, the faint sound of a radio and bedsprings squeaking came from one of the back rooms. A bit of a feeling curled around in his gut, and since it didn’t look like Sam was here, that left one person. 

 

Taking a breath, Dean quietly headed back towards the bedrooms, bracing himself for the inevitable. He opened the door and was met with the bare ass of a man on top of his girlfriend. Both of them looked up, the guy scared to death and Cassie trying to cover herself with the sheets. Dean shut the door, too stunned to really say anything, and headed into the kitchen, waiting. The man, half dressed with one shoe on, scrambled out the front before anybody could beat the crap out of him. 

 

A moment later, Cassie padded out, guilt evident in her eyes, and sat down across from him. “I’m so sorry.” She told him. “It… never was supposed to get that far. He was just a guy I met at the bar.” 

 

Dean let the silence hang for a moment, trying to process it all, before even attempting to speak. “It… uh…” 

 

“You’re a good guy, Dean. I like you a lot, but… not in the way I should. I’m so sorry.” 

 

He gave a small nod as a reply, still trying to make his voice work right. 

 

“I’m so sorry.” 

 

“It’s done.” Dean finally said, clearing his throat. “There ain’t no goin’ back and changin’ it now. But, uh, I think it’s time we officially… called it off.” 

 

Cassie nodded, still looking guilty. “Yeah, you’re right.” 

 

“This was a long time coming.” 

 

“It didn’t have to be.” 

 

He knew that was true. There was so much they both could have done to prevent this, but they didn’t. For whatever reason, they didn’t. “I’m sorry, Cassie.”

 

“So am I.” 

 

“Is this the part where I’m supposed to ask if we can still be friends?” 

 

“Yes,” She laughed, “and we most definitely can, if you want?” 

 

Dean shot her another half-smile, feeling a bit relieved that they didn’t have to keep up the charade anymore. “I’d like that.” 

 

Cassie returned the look, taking Dean’s hand and giving it a small squeeze. “I’m so sorry it has to end like this.” 

 

“You better go find him and tell him he doesn’t have to worry about the angry ex coming after him with a shotgun.” Dean told her, standing up and pulling her into a hug. “I am, too, but I’m a big boy, I can handle it.” 

 

She took his hand one more time before going back to her room and getting the rest of her clothes and her phone, dialing her date’s number. 

 

Once she was gone, Dean dropped himself down into his chair and leaned back, a bittersweet feeling coming over him. He was relieved because this meant they could finally go their separate ways and he would be free to be with Castiel, but what would have happened if things were different? What if he didn’t have Cas waiting on him? It would have hurt a hell of a lot more. 

 

He sat there, thinking, for a good while before the front door opened and Sam poked his head inside, concerned when he got a little half-wave from his brother in greeting. “What happened?” 

 

“Y’know how you said I might have still been in love with Cas?” 

 

“Yes?” 

 

“You were right.” 

 

Thinking the worst, Sam’s eyebrows scrunched up and he prepared himself to console his brother. “Dean, I’m sor--” 

 

“No, no, that went fine, nothing like that. I, uh, caught Cassie with another guy after I got back.” 

 

“Shit..” 

 

Dean cleared his throat, sitting up in his chair and trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened that day. “So that’s officially done.” 

 

“How… do you feel about it?” Sam asked, wanting to be cautious about how he approached this on the off chance Dean was more upset than he was letting on. 

 

His brother shrugged, not really knowing  _ how  _ to feel about it. “I don’t… I mean you know how it’s been. It’s not  _ been  _ anything for a long time. It sucks it ended like that, but.. I guess it’s more relief than anything.” 

 

“Are you gonna make a move with Cas now?” Sam asked, and judging by the lack of a response from his brother, and his aversion to the question, the answer was pretty obvious. “You already did, didn’t you? What happened?” 

 

“I… guess?” Dean stuttered, not wanting to go into extreme detail. “I don’t know, we talked, got some stuff out, he - he said he still loves me.” He looked up, still in disbelief that it was true.

 

“And?” Sam asked expectantly. 

 

“And what?” 

 

“Did you say it back?” 

 

“If I said yes, will you stop with the questions?” 

 

Sam nodded, a grin forming on his face. It was about time that they talked and got things sorted out between them again. Everyone had only been waiting over a decade for them to get back together, and  _ finally  _ it looked like they’d done it. “Congratulations, bro. When’s the wedding?” Dean just sputtered, which sent Sam into a laughing fit. 

 

“Alright, since my relationship troubles are done, how ‘bout we talk about yours? Cas told me Gabe misses you. A lot.” 

 

Sam hesitated for a moment before answering. He missed Gabriel, too, a lot, but no matter how much he missed him could take back what he said, especially now that it seemed like Dean and Cas were getting back together. He hated how often they put him in the middle between their feuding, and if he ever would get back together with Gabriel, they would have to have another conversation about it. “I miss him, too, but it’s not just that easy, Dean.” 

 

“Do you love him?” 

 

“Yes, but--” 

 

“Does he make you happy?” 

 

Sam sighed, knowing he probably deserved this after the crap he gave Dean about his love life. “Yes, he does.” 

 

“Then why isn’t it that easy?” 

 

“It’s just not, Dean.” He replied. “It’s complicated.” 

 

“And Cas and I aren’t?” 

 

He had him there. Sam just shook his head, thinking of what he could say. “You two put me in the middle of your arguments all the time. I sit here, and I have to listen to you saying the worst shit about each other, and  _ neither  _ of you ever think about how it makes me feel. I love both of you, and I hate that you can’t get along.” He looked up at Dean, upset clear in his expression, and continued. “If you expect things to work out with Cas, you’re gonna  _ have  _ to cool it with talking about Gabe so much. Either that, or the two of you are finally going to have to work out your problems.” 

 

“It ain’t my problems.” Dean muttered, folding his arms.

 

“You haven’t helped much.” Sam retorted. “What you have to understand is that Gabe is just as protective of Cas as you are of me. The only difference is, Gabe didn’t leave, and I didn’t try to off myself. You can’t blame him for being angry over that.” 

 

Dean winced at that memory, but kept his mouth shut for the moment, knowing Sam had a point. He  _ didn’t  _ know how Gabriel felt, but he could imagine. He’d pretty much told him as much forever ago, but it didn’t make any difference. “Yeah, well, he’s still an ass.” 

 

Sam sighed, resisting the urge to pull out his phone and message his ex right then and there. “I know he takes things too far. He doesn’t know when to stop, but he is justified in being wary, Dean. Imagine if it were you in his shoes. Would you trust him? Even if you were with Cas, would you like him after what he did?” 

 

“Hell no.” 

 

“Exactly. If things do ever go back to normal with me and him, I’ll talk to him. And I’ll have Cas talk to him, too.”  _ If,  _ Sam thought, more like  _ when. _ He knew that he wasn’t kidding anybody with how poorly he was handling things, hell, he hadn’t been back to his and Gabriel’s apartment since they broke up - not even to get more of his clothes or anything when the other man wasn’t there - and he obsessively checked his blocked numbers to see if he’d contacted him at all… Maybe Dean was right, maybe they did need to try again. 

 

He made him his mind that as soon as he was left alone, he was calling Gabriel and he was going to try to get him to talk. Dean’s couch was too small for him, anyways, and he missed his bed (and extra cuddly boyfriend to go along with it). Sam just hoped Gabriel would listen to him long enough that they  _ could  _ talk. 

 

“You’re thinking about calling him, aren’t you?” Dean asked smugly. 

 

“Maybe. But I don’t know yet. I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive him just yet.” 

 

“You can’t keep him waiting forever and expect him to still be there, Sammy.” 

 

“I know...” 

 

Dean just grinned. “I’ll leave you alone so you can call your boyfriend.” 

 

Sam was about to say that he wasn’t ready yet, and that he wasn’t done grilling him about Cas, but he knew that the sooner they talked the better. So, once Dean was out of earshot, Sam pulled out his phone and unblocked Gabriel’s number. He stared at it for a moment or two before finally dialing the number, only letting it ring once before hanging up again. He couldn’t really do this, could he? 

 

No, he  _ had _ to. For both his and Gabriel’s sake.  _ At least talk to him,  _ Sam thought,  _ you don’t have to forgive him.  _ Taking another breath, he dialed again, his free hand gripping at the fabric of his jeans to resist hanging up again. 

 

“Sam?” Came Gabriel’s voice from the other end. 

 

“Hey,” Sam replied softly, his voice shaky. 

 

“Sam, I’m so sorry, I miss you, I’m so sorry, Sammy. Please forgive me.” 

 

Sam swallowed around the lump in his throat, knowing hey had to keep a cool head, and exhaled. “Gabe, what you did, what you’ve  _ been  _ doing in regards to my brother… It really hurts. I hate being caught in the middle of your fighting, I hate hearing you two be horrible to each other. If this is ever gonna work with us, you  _ have  _ to stop.” He replied. “I’m not choosing between you and Dean anymore. You’re both my family, and you’re gonna have to act like it.” 

 

“That’s funny, I thought we already did.” 

 

“ _ Gabriel.”  _

 

“Sorry, sorry.” The other man replied, falling silent for a minute while he thought over what Sam said. “I know, Sam. It isn’t fair to make you listen to it all the time, but you have to understand  _ why  _ I feel like I do.” 

“I do, Gabe. I know. But Dean is still my brother. I’m not excusing anything he’s done, because he has done some really shitty stuff, but he’s still my brother. He’s trying, Gabe. He is trying to make up for it as much as he can. Just… please try, okay? Try to hear him out. If not for my sake, for Cas’s.” 

 

Gabriel took a breath, the thought of how he and Cas had been fighting over Dean coming back to him, how upset his brother was over it… “Of course.” He said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so sorry, Sam. Can you ever forgive me?” 

 

“Of course.” 

 

“I love you.” 

 

“I love you, too, Gabe, but I need time right now. I need to know you’re going to really try with this before I can completely trust you again.” 

 

“Sure,” Gabriel said, and Sam could hear him moving around. “I’ll be over in a few, just sit tight. You’re still at Dean’s, right?” 

 

Surprised that there was no rude nickname to describe his brother, Sam just sat in stunned silence for a second. “Yeah, but we don’t have to do this right now, I mean--”   


“No, we do. I’ll be there soon, I love you, kiddo.” 

 

“Alright…” Then the line went dead. Sam stared at his phone for a moment, wondering what in the hell just happened. Shaking his head, he got to his feet and headed into the kitchen where Dean was waiting, doing something on his phone and trying not to look like he was eavesdropping. “Uh, Gabe is apparently coming over. Like, now.” 

 

“You two gonna talk?” 

 

Sam shrugged. “I think it’s more like  _ you two  _ are going to. I don’t know, he didn’t really say.” 

 

“Hint taken.” Dean chuckled, turning his attention back to his phone. “Make sure they play good music at my wake.” 

 

“You got it.”  

  
  


Ten minutes later, there was a knock at the door, and Sam went to get it. He poked his head out and was surprised to see Michael and Castiel, but not Gabriel standing in front of him. 

 

“Hello, Sam.” Cas greeted, giving a small wave of his hand. “Gabriel decided this was too much for him to do on his own, so we’re here for support.” 

 

“He forced you to come, didn’t he?” 

 

“Yes he did.” Michael confirmed. 

 

Sam’s eyes flickered to the car parked on the street, not surprised to see Gabriel trying to hide in the back seat. Confrontation had never been the other man’s strong point, especially when it came to them. “Well, you better get him in here before I change my mind about this.” Sam stepped back, opening the door while the two brothers tried to wave Gabriel out of the car. 

  
  


It took several more minutes of coaxing, but eventually, all three Novaks were inside, Castiel in the lead, followed by Michael, and Gabriel clinging to the back of both of their shirts and trying to make himself as small as possible. 

 

Sam looked up from his spot on the couch, swallowing and taking a deep breath when he saw Gabriel. The other two brothers spread out so there was no more hiding, and once Gabriel was sat down, they took off to the kitchen where Dean was waiting. 

 

There was still some things the two needed to discuss on their own first.

 

Gabriel looked down at his hands, unable to meet Sam’s eyes, and wishing that he hadn’t agreed to this. It was harder than hell to be standing in front of Sam again, and with Mike and Cas gone, he didn’t know if he could actually do this or not. 

 

Thankfully, though, Sam seemed to get the hint, and the taller man cleared his throat and said, “I’m sorry for ending things like I did. It was a dick move. But I don’t appreciate the things you said about my brother, true or not.” 

 

It took a minute, but finally Gabriel looked up, guilt shining in his eyes. “I know. I’m so sorry, Sam. For everything.” 

 

“I am, too.” Sam replied, getting up to sit beside the other man, pulling him into a hug. “I love you, Gabe, but you have to be nicer to my brother if we’re gonna work. I can’t be put in the middle anymore.” He could feel Gabriel nod, and he felt the other man’s hands tighten on his shirt. “Can I kiss you?” 

“Of course you can.” Gabriel peeked up at him, giving the other man a tiny smile before pulling him in for a kiss. Sam pulled him up into his lap, his hands on Gabe’s back, keeping him close. “I’ve missed this.” the smaller man whispered, laying his head on Sam’s shoulder. 

 

“So’ve I.” He took a moment, thinking over everything, and decided to forgive the man in his arms. “Can I come back home tonight?” Sam asked sheepishly. 

 

“Duh, Sammich. I wouldn’t  _ be  _ here if I didn’t want you to come home. The bed’s too big without you there at night.” Gabriel pouted, hating that Sam hadn’t been there for snuggles the last little bit. “I just have something I need to do first.” He got to his feet, pulling Sam up with him, and dragged him into the kitchen with the others. 

 

His hand dropped from Sam’s, and he took a breath before addressing Dean directly. “Dean, I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you in the past, and I would like to try and start over with it all. But you have to understand… My brothers are the only family I have. When something happens to one of them, it’s scary as hell, because you just wonder if it’s one more person you have to say goodbye to.” Gabriel paused for a moment, trying to keep his emotions in check before he continued. “When… When Cas… had his trouble, it was the scariest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life. I’d just lost my mom, I couldn’t lose my baby brother, too. And when he told me  _ why  _ he did it… What was I supposed to do? Just let it go like it was no big deal? Of course not. He’s my brother. I had to protect him.” 

 

Dean just stared, feeling Castiel squeezing his leg under the table in support. “I’m sorry, too. I never should have treated Cas the way I did. He deserves so much better than what I’ve given him, and I’m so sorry.” He turned to Cas, his eyes wide and his voice thick. “Nothing will ever make up for it, or take it back, but… I want to try. If you’ll let me.” 

 

Both of the younger Novak brothers nodded, accepting Dean’s apology. Gabriel stepped forward, extending his hand to Dean. “Friends?” The other man shook it, in a bit of shock that they’d actually got to this point. 

  
“Friends.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally the last chapter!!!  
> I apologize for how long it took, I also apologize for how rushed/short this is. I have completely run out of steam; I have been insanely busy with life, and my emotional state has been horrid for the last few months, but I wanted this to finally be done. I hope you guys enjoy it regardless!

The five of them ended up sitting down and talking, getting the air completely clear between the Novaks and Dean, and it went better than any of them had hoped. So well, in fact, that they ended up having dinner back at Castiel’s apartment. 

 

Gabriel fawned over his new niece just as Michael had, much to Cas’s amusement, and the smaller man even started to conspire with Sam about kidnapping her. Of course, Sam ended up being a tattletale, and ended up spilling his grand scheme to Dean, who insisted on keeping Lucky in his lap for the rest of the night to discourage the middle Novak from taking her. 

 

Gabriel decided that he was no longer speaking to Sam if that’s how things were going to be. 

Of course, all was forgiven as soon as Sam promised he’d buy him an extra large double hot chocolate on their next outing. 

 

Sam and Gabe were the first to leave, insisting that they still had things to talk about before it got too late, which left Michael alone with the newly reunited couple. 

 

He watched the two of them, curled up next to each other on the couch, Cas leaning into Dean’s shoulder and giggling at something the older Winchester told him. It warmed Mike’s heart to see his youngest brother so happy again, but he couldn’t help but worry. He knew that Dean had indeed grown up since they were in high school, of course he did, but did that mean that he wouldn’t break Cas’s heart again? Mike didn’t know. The possibility of history repeating itself scared him to no end, and he wondered if Castiel would be able to handle it a second time. 

 

Though, if things continued like they were at the moment, he didn’t think they had anything to worry about. “Okay, well, you two are being disgustingly cute and it’s grossing me out, I think I’m going to head home.” He said, getting to his feet. “Dean, it’s good to once again have you in the family. Don’t screw it up again.” 

 

All the humor drained from Dean’s face and he looked directly at Michael, swallowing and giving him a nod. “I don’t plan on it.” 

 

“That’s all I can ask for.” Michael pulled Castiel in for a tight hug, sending up a small prayer that things went better for his brother this time around. Lord knew Cas deserved something good  in his life. “Please be careful, little brother. At least for a little while.” He whispered, shooting Cas a concerned look. 

 

“I will.” The youngest Novak promised, seeing his brother to the door. “But Dean won’t hurt me again. I know he won’t.” 

 

Mike clapped Cas on the shoulder and gave it a small squeeze before stepping out into the hall and looking for his keys. “I’ll talk to you soon, Cas.” 

 

After saying their goodbyes, Castiel stepped back into his apartment, grinning at Dean and quickly closing the distance to him. “Well, that went much better than I thought it would. At least my brothers don’t hate you anymore.” 

 

“I wouldn’t go that far yet, Cas.” Dean replied, “But there was definitely some headway.” 

 

“That’s something at least.” Castiel yawned, leaning back into Dean again.

“You sound tired.” Dean remarked, wrapping his arm around the other man. He couldn’t help but stare at the other man, in disbelief that he was back in his life, and he was able to hold him like this again. A smile tugged at Dean’s lips and he leaned in, brushing a kiss to the back of his head. 

 

“Little bit.” 

 

“Do you want me to leave so you can get some sleep?”  

 

Castiel thought about that for a minute. He wasn’t sure he was ready to go this far with Dean just yet, to have him spend the night in his bed, but he also wasn’t too keen on the idea of having him leave, either. “Hmm… you could, but then I would have to move, and drag myself to bed. And I am much too tired to worry about that right now.” Cas leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder and wrapped his arm around the other man’s middle, effectively trapping him there so he couldn’t leave. 

 

Dean just chuckled, making himself a bit more comfortable on the couch, and lay back a bit. “You know this is gonna be insanely uncomfortable when we wake up, right?” 

 

“Don’ care.” Came the grumpy reply. 

 

“Whatever you say, babe.” 

 

***

When morning came around, it  _ was  _ very uncomfortable. Castiel’s neck was stiff, and his back hurt from sleeping in such a strange position, but he had been with Dean, and it was worth it. He shifted a little so he could watch the still sleeping man, a small smile tugging at his lips. Dean looked so peaceful while he slept, like he’d never struggled a day in his life, and Cas wished he could stay like this all the time. 

 

“You deserve happiness, Dean.” he whispered, snuggling up close to him and kissing his shoulder. “More than anybody that I’ve ever met.” He knew it was true. Dean had sacrificed so much for his family just to help make ends meet. He’d raised Sam on his own, he made sure his little brother got to go to school, and given up his own chance to go in the process. He hadn’t always reacted to things like he should have - Cas knew that better than anyone - but he couldn’t fully blame him for it. 

 

Dean started to stir not too long after that, and grinned when he opened his eyes to Castiel right beside him. “Mornin’, sunshine.” he muttered, leaning in for a quick kiss. “How’d you sleep?” 

 

“Better than I expected to sleeping here.” Cas replied, finally letting go of the other man so he could stretch. “But I can’t complain, seeing as I got you to spend the night.” 

 

“All you had to do was ask.”

 

Cas giggled, getting to his feet and pulling him up with him. “And next time, I will.” He glanced down at his watch and cursed softly. “But right now, I really need to get ready for work or I’ll be late. What are you doing tomorrow night?” 

 

Still half asleep, it took Dean a moment to process what the other man was saying. “Uh… nothin’, far as I know. Why?” 

 

“Well, it  _ is  _ Friday. And we’ve had a pretty regular date night going on for the last few weeks…” 

 

Dean chuckled. “How could I forget. I think I can squeeze you in. Maybe we’ll get out of the bar this time and go somewhere nice?” 

 

“That would be lovely.” 

 

The older Winchester grinned, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Cas’s lips before heading for the door. “I’ll see you then.” 

 

After he was gone, Cas lean back against his couch, shutting his eyes and grinning. He couldn’t believe how amazing the last couple days had been! Lucky hobbled her way over to him, and picked her up, grinning up at her little face. “Things are finally looking up, Lucky. After so long, things are finally feeling right again.” 

 

**** 

When Dean got back home, he stood in his doorway, his lips quirked into a smile as the last 24 hours caught up with him. If he could have told himself twelve years ago that he’d be back with Castiel, he would have never believed it. 

 

He was back with Castiel. 

 

His heart leapt at that and a small chuckle escaped his mouth, feeling even better because Michael and Gabriel didn’t seem to hate him as much anymore. How lucky could he get? 

 

**** 

 

Castiel got out of his car and stood outside Genovese, quickly scanning the lot for the Impala before heading inside. He spotted Dean sitting in a booth near the middle of the dining room, and headed over before he could be spotted by the staff. 

 

“Sorry I’m a little late,” Cas said, sliding into his seat. “I couldn’t find my keys, and I had to turn my apartment upside down looking for them. Turns out, Lucky stole them and hid them in the couch.” He rolled his eyes good-naturedly, a small, amused smile on his face. “She’s a handful.” 

 

“She’s been hanging around your brother too long.” Dean replied, taking a sip of his beer. “He’s a bad influence on everyone.  _ My  _ brother included.” 

 

Castiel snorted. “How  _ are  _ the lovebirds, by the way?” 

 

“Your guess is as good as mine, I haven’t heard from them since Wednesday.” Dean shot Castiel a grin. “I can’t say I’m too upset, because they probably haven’t left their room since they got home.” 

 

Cas wrinkled his nose, not wanting to think about their brothers like that, and ordered himself a beer. “You’re probably right. I’m just glad everything is back to normal. I was getting sick of Gabriel moping around so much. He can be so dramatic when he wants to be.” 

 

Dean just chuckled. “How’s Lucky adjusting to her new home?” 

 

“She’s doing wonderful. I’m actually going to look tomorrow for those pet stairs so she’ll have an easier time of getting up onto the furniture with me. She loves being around people, and being snuggled.” He grinned, happy to be talking about his kitten. “Hopefully that will make it easier for her to get up.” 

 

“I think she’ll be fine, Cas.” 

 

Things fell silent for a few minutes, Cas debating on if he should go on more about Lucky, or try to change the subject. “What about Cassie?” He finally asked. “Is she staying there, or is she gonna move out?” 

 

“I’m actually going with her Sunday to look at a couple places. We talked last night, she doesn’t feel comfortable staying there after everything. So, I’m gonna have the house to myself again.” 

 

“Hmm,” Castiel hummed, a small smirk on his face. “Maybe we should celebrate when it’s official.” 

 

Dean chuckled. “Maybe so. I’ll let you know what happens.” 


End file.
